The Six of Swords, in the Hidden Motivations position, suggests that you may be indifferent to your situation now. You may not be suffering, but you are probably not thriving either. This applies not only to literal travel or movement, but also to the inner restructuring of your health, romance, or finances. You might be determined to make your way back from the aftermath of a crisis or conflict that may have devastated or upset the comfortable rut of your "known" life, but you may not be ready to confront the Gateway that will move you forward to higher ground. You may be able to precariously balance your mental and moral faculties, and are able to see your situation objectively and fairly. This can enable you to focus your intentions and will on the greater whole when you recognize that a storm has past, and that you must pick up the pieces and make your way towards the other side, a new "home", or distant shore.
Oh, & did I tell you how I find this picture strangely comforting? Like I've been here before? I wish I knew why. I wish I can see this place (again) with my very own eyes. What is it with me & the sea? I know I hate cruises & shit, but I love ferry rides (as long as they're not tedious trips), sailboats (I keep seeing this lovely white sailboat across the horizon I'd consider as some ghost ship in the mornings), as well as the idea of jetskiing & windsurfing. I must get to a nice beach. Fast. I miss my childhood breakwater!
The Five of Cups, in the Conscious Lesson position, suggests that when you don’t confront or give voice to your emotions, they are liable to come out unchecked, causing you to suffer the consequences of having to clean up the mess you have made. You can’t turn back the clock, and you may waste valuable energy musing over what might have been. By suppressing your feelings, you put out negative energy, and therefore negative energy comes back to you. You may have experienced the deep disappointment that comes unexpectedly from a divorce, separation, job loss, rejection, mistreatment, diagnosis, death, or other emotionally charged event, but you need to look around for compassion, give voice to your feelings, learn to permit forgiveness, and claim your power, so that you may be ready to embrace peace, recovery, renewed spirituality, or the ultimate acceptance that can come with going through the process of grief or mourning constructively. These are the situations or events in your life that you have the opportunity to transform, or even from which you can be released as long as you don’t give up hope.
"One of the tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon - instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today."
You may not be saying everything you know, but the things you keep to yourself can actually be more important than what you say. What you do now can increase your own awareness about what is most important to you. It may not be about money or power. It might just be about realizing your own core values.
"Today I begin to understand what love must be, if it exists... When we are parted, we each feel the lack of the other half of ourselves. We are incomplete like a book in two volumes of which the first has been lost. That is what I imagine love to be: incompleteness in absence."
Another change has occurred in our solar system. The planetary shift will probably be imperceptible today, but you will have several months to understand how this change impacts you. It will dawn upon you that you feel a strong need for liberation; perhaps you need to release yourself from the bonds of your group. Change and innovation is in the air!
Well, I certainly hope so. I'm tired of being stuck in this rut I call my life. Or maybe it's just my period being too much of a bitch?
The Page of Wands, in the Hidden Self position, suggests that you may be an extroverted, dynamic, resourceful person. You might have fresh, creative ideas, particularly when it comes to your dream job. You probably meet each challenge with enthusiasm and energy, and others might tend to view you as friendly and outgoing. You may have a love of adventure or desire to travel that sometimes could make you feel restless or bored. At times like these, you may abandon whatever project you are working on in order to start something new and “more exciting”. You could have a tendency to spend too much time on the phone, or online, which might lead to you being late for things more often than you should, but being as optimistic or charismatic as you probably are, others may be patient and understanding with you. You are being reminded however, that there is a fine line between optimism, volunteerism, willingness, and being a phony “brown-noser”.
You Librans are considered the relationship people of the zodiac. You inherently understand the balance needed for harmony between two people. Now, however, with the Moon in feisty Aries, your patience may wear thin. Think it through before you react. Even if your feelings encourage response, trust your logical analysis over your irrational intuition for the next couple of days.
I was so tired from yesterday afternoon's trip to Kathz's, but yeah, had fun. Well, somewhat. Was too tired when I got back home that I failed to enjoy my mom's special arroz valenciana for dinner. I'm having it for breakfast now, though! Anyway, as long as I was able to show Kathz I'll go to great lengths to help her out, even if in the end she'll have to manage all the trouble all by herself. I was late by an hour or so, but had fun. Finally returned her Antitrust VCD & lent her my fave Hero. You'll also never guess what she decided to give me on my birthday — a funky vintage-style lantern, hahaha, reminiscent of, hmm, let's see, Harry Potter movies. Makes me nervously think about so what dungeon am I going to descend to soon, & what for. But I love it, & what it signifies... awww.
I wish I were as strong, witty, & determined as I used to be.
Too bad I've become too moody for my own good.
The Queen of Swords, reversed, in the Hidden Self position, suggests that this Queen can’t be fooled too easily. She is probably intelligent, honest, and a direct communicator who may not tolerant much nonsense. By sheer will and determination she seems to be able to do what must be done, often setting aside her own sorrow, emotions, or pleasures in order to accomplish the goal, attend to justice, or keep the commitment. It could be that this Queen might have a tendency to become harsh or impatient with others, and may be a bit uncomfortable with open displays of affection or emotion. Others may see her as witty, if not a bit judgmental, but almost everyone would agree that she is courageous, and a person of some character. This Queen may have some control issues that need addressing with a mother, daughter, or sister type, which might be masking some resentment, or she could still be carrying a torch for a lost love.
xiaoyubeh: 4 days before my birthday 8 yrs ago i tried to kill myself
xiaoyubeh: the year before that, i broke down din
xiaoyubeh: a month before my birthday in 1997 i was contemplating on suicide
xiaoyubeh: last year i was fucking unhappy din with the world
xiaoyubeh: wala nang taon na naging masaya ako
xiaoyubeh: september 23 1999 was one of the worst days of my life
xiaoyubeh: andun ako sa bahay ng bespren ko na nag-iiiyak na parang baliw
xiaoyubeh: i was happy nung (2001) though
xiaoyubeh: pero it was still so much of a blur
Buti naman ngayong taon medyo OK na. ^_^ Drama ba? HAHAHA.
If it weren't for Shy, I would've ended up running amuck last Saturday. Much thanks to Gary, Kuya Mike, & Raymond for working wonders with white bread, cheddar cheese, butter, garlic powder, & vegetables, hehe. Glad to have my kid sibs & my beau's best buds pitch in as well. I know the latter was bored shit helpless the last time, but I'll make it up to you soon! Hopefully, for Kuya I-Am-Sam (hehe), lababowl Jek, & diva link Marky, my readings for you made sense. For my long-ago-since-The English Club ally Jim Ryan, thanks for letting me have my CAKE then eat it, too, hehe. Yay.
For a pretty ora-orada get-together, it was quite fun. But don't expect anything like that from me again — especially after I've been calling it off for the past 48 hours way before it started. There's plenty of drinks left over, btw! Too bad there wasn't much carbonara to go around. I hope the next time I get on with something like this, I'd have my most favorite person with me to help out... *sigh*
"Life moves on, whether we act as cowards or heroes. Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would be realize it, than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such."
-- Henry Miller
For that matter, yes, I am grateful to be one lucky lame bitch despite all the pain I've harbored & let fester within myself for all these years. I'm glad to have at least someone look after me despite himself.
My world has become a better place because of YOU.
Are you feeling as if you're about to explode? Tension may have been building up throughout the previous week and until now there may have been no outlet for it. If you aren't careful, you just might take it out on those closest to you. Go for a workout, or clean the house. Engage in any kind of physical activity and get the endorphins going so you'll feel good again. Life is too short to waste being stressed and upset.
Tangina, easier for you to say, Astrocenter. Eh wasted nako sobra.
HAHAHA, I had a totally motherfucking sonuvabitch HAPPY birthday!
STIGGG!!!
Yeah, I think it was definitely worth it, kahit I had not much sleep the night before & I had to fucking cry myself to sleep again when I got home, because surprisingly I got all the more inspired to feel better about myself after sharing a rather momentous event with my kid sibs. Awww. Tangina, I may not be the best Ate in the world, pero I love you both! :D & hoy, AJ, TENKSHU!
I hate it when I get all worried & puyat kasi nagiging sabaw ang utak ko. I get klutzy & disoriented. Di rin ako makakain putangina. Sayang yung food & drinks stubs, pati na rin yung barbecue kagabi, waaaaaahhhhhhhh. Pero basta, makapag-DDR na nga lang ulet, hahaha. Yoko na ng dance pad available for PSX, though. Now I think know what I must have before I die — a DDR arcade machine! That should help me keep my sanity! WOOHOO!
Hayyyyyy, anlupet ng Kiko Machine — onli in da pili-pakking-pins mo makikita si SpiderMan na nagbe-bass guitar sabay giling at rampa ala bakloosheset macho dancer, hahaha. PUNYETA MENNNNN, panalo! Shet! Di kinaya ng powers ko! Dinaig pa ko!
/me nabading na naman
Maybe I really should catch up on sleep before I totally lose it.
Your key planet, Venus, is under some serious stress today as Saturn-The-Tester and Chiron-The-Wounded-Healer square off with her. You may feel the brunt of this as a sense of isolation. You may not feel supported by others — even those who profess to love you. You feel hurt. If any of this rings true, remind yourself that much of what you are experiencing is based upon remembrances of past pain. Healing can happen if you are willing to remember the past and then let it go.
Hmmm, maybe I do need to go out more... even if, yeah, I'm not so much up to even waking up on normal hours so I can go talk to normal people unlike moi. WAAAAHHH. Nothing would probably help me at this point, though — not food, not booze, not music, not even this blog, goddammit! Maybe it's just my being a month late again going on 2. Whatever it is, I want it over & done with. Right. Now.
Finally, after 2 years & 2 more derailing albums, STP has come up with the idea to release a Greatest Hits album this year, initially titled, 'Thank You", by November 11. The tentative track line-up is as follows:
1 Vasoline
2 Down
3 Wicked Garden
4 Big Empty
5 Plush
6 Big Bang Baby
7 Creep
8 Lady Picture Show
9 Trippin' On A Hole In A Paper Heart
10 Interstate Love Song
11 All In The Suit That You Wear (NEW TRACK)
12 Sex Type Thing
13 Days Of The Week
14 Sour Girl
15 Plush (Acoustic)
It's unfair. They already have such an album coming out, & I haven't even seen them perform live! So am I supposed to be happy about this or what?! Plus why don't they have Dead & Bloated on the list?! WAAAAAAHHH. Why does it also have to be on November, of all dates?! Double WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH. Why do I have to be this messed up, too, just DAYS before my birthday? (Good thing Shy beeped in to ask me if she can come over earlier to help me out on Saturday, though!) Never mind. Good luck with everyone, anyway, on their dates this week!
The Queen of Cups, in the reverse position, suggests that you come to understand that being sensitive, empathetic, intuitive, and often vulnerable goes hand in hand with a tendency to suffer from bouts of depression, darkness, anger, or even emotional abuse. The waters of life can nourish, as well as drown, and the deep feelings that cause this Queen to love, can also turn into feelings of utter heartbreak. Being gullible or empathetic doesn’t mean ‘stupid’, and woe to those who confuse the two! Her causes are sometimes superficial, irrational, or unworthy, when she feels herself to be such, and her judgment is often questionable, for she needs love to feel whole, and this can lead to poor choices, co-dependency, addiction, mental illness, or depression. This Queen may retreat into her own fantasies or emotions, and may have a gift for occult studies, the arts, psychology, or the mystical sciences. Learn and believe that "still waters run deep".
Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television. Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers.... Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed-interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on the couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home nothing more than an embarassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life. But why would i want to do a thing like that?
I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are NO reasons.
xiaoyubeh: 4 days before my birthday 8 yrs ago i tried to kill myself
xiaoyubeh: the year before that, i broke down din
xiaoyubeh: a month before my birthday in 1997 i was contemplating on suicide
xiaoyubeh: last year i was fucking unhappy din with the world
xiaoyubeh: wala nang taon na naging masaya ako
xiaoyubeh: september 23 1999 was one of the worst days of my life
xiaoyubeh: andun ako sa bahay ng bespren ko na nag-iiiyak na parang baliw
xiaoyubeh: i was happy nung (2001) though
xiaoyubeh: pero it was still so much of a blur
I'm wondering if anyone from the usual posse can make it on the 27th. All I'm serving anyway most probably is my staple carbonara, a nice layered meat & veggie salad, homemade garlic bread, strawberry ice cream, Cali Ice, & strawberry Vodka Cruiser. Is the line-up bad enough? I want to take a break from the usual light shit fare. Since Kathz suggested we should just stay indoors, we could: 1) play oldskewl games like monopoly & gin rummy, 2) watch So Close or whatever else we have, 3) play Tekken 4 or so to death, 4) take pictures, & 5) just talk about anything like crazy over food. I'd be throwing in a few more surprises on the side. I'd be lucky enough if Shy & Ayie get to crash the place. You think I'm lame? The whole idea was to strictly invite close friends & pretty familiar acquaintances, around 15 people at the most. It might turn out to be some little cake party sans the hype, like what Kathz had last May. Maybe I shouldn't fuss over things too much. It would be so damn much in my favor if I wouldn't have so much to clean up afterwards, ne?
God, I miss this place. I wanna go back. Kung hindi lang kupal yung mga tao eh. *sigh* See the runway? Had lots of memories there, like jogging & biking & watching sunrises/sunsets by the rocky dike. Life was deliciously simple back then, & it didn't matter if I spent it alone more often than not.
Got a kick out of Miss Congeniality. Watched it twice! Even if the movie was rather formulaic, I like Sandra Bullock anyway. My mom got a tape of the movie not because of her, though, but because of the FBI & guns spree. I know, I'm that bored. But I really do like her ever since her old Working Girl sitcom (shit, so what if I'm THAT old?), & wasn't she so pretty in Demolition Man? I haven't seen Two Weeks' Notice, however. I don't think I'd ever want to. Somebody make me stop watching silly flicks! Speaking of silly, Legally Blonde 2 is out. The first one was crazy — but I guess it was all worthwhile because I was... HEHE, never mind.
I wish I had sarcasm & a gun. I wonder why my dad didn't let me in on one, when we still had access to a firing range & handguns at the very least. I wish I took up karate when I had the chance (& the nerve). I wish I got a driver's license even if my parents won't actually let me get behind the wheel. I wish I can just work this angst & all my flabs off. I wish my life wasn't as crazy as it is — & has always been — for me & my sibs. I really wish I had a gun. Damn you, Taster's Choice Vanilla Roast coffee spiked with Ovaltine & powdered milk!
LIBRA: It’s difficult to act as nicely as you’d like, but there’s a part of you that’s fed up with always taking care of everyone else first. Sure, you may still play the part of the perfect host or hostess, but what are you going to do with the resentment that sits behind your tactful smile? Others will still like you if you tell them what you want. There’s nothing wrong with taking care of your own needs. In fact, you just may have more to offer others if you do.
So true. I think this attitude'll last until the end of the month, I'm afraid. I hope I'll shake the feelings off soon. I don't even know why I'm like this at all.
I think I might see this movie next, because I like Gwyneth Paltrow & I'm being introspective lately over the cheesiest of things, like Meteor Garden II (in Chinese, of course), haha, sheesh. Plus all-time hero Candice Bergen (hooray, Murphy Brown) & pretty Kelly Preston are among the cast, woohoo. I hope it doesn't turn out to be a flop.
Donna Jensen is a small town-girl with high dreams. She dreams of becoming a flight attendant, and endures a lot of struggle on the way there... She is left wondering whether focusing on your career is really the key to happiness.
The Queen of Wands suggests that you know you have a higher purpose or a special power. You may thrive on creative growth and become inspired, not by simple material gain, but by a great passion for what feeds your life force. You have probably earned the right to feel confident and courageous, and may not be long content with being on the fringes of the action. If you were to win the lottery, you probably would not choose to lie around eating bon-bons, but would take the world by storm! You might enjoy being the center of attention, and enjoy being spontaneous, even within the confines of your daily grind. You probably are a person of high energy, and may be well-liked, fun-loving and enterprising, and might choose to direct your will or attention towards projects that encourage or nurture others. As long as you work to remain well balanced and positive, you can truly become a leader who commands the loyalty of those who follow. You are being reminded to pay close attention to your intuition, for this is one of the gifts that can not only transform your life, but also can improve and inspire the lives of others as well. By the same token, without balance, you could become engulfed or consumed by your own ego or ability to control or manipulate, which could end up twisting your ambitions, for there could be something slightly sinister, sneaky, or sadistic about you that might rear its head from time to time. Consider any possible issues or insecurities you might have regarding your sexuality, identity, or the opposite sex, particularly if you find yourself being a “male basher”.
My favorite Ash songs would always have to be Goldfinger, Oh Yeah, & Lost In You. I also had a big crush on Tim Wheeler — my kinda dreamy bishounen type + rockstar... *sigh* But how come I'm not downstairs watching this MYX feature on him & his band?
Was looking through visitor stats a while back, & found my way into this. Yikes. Stumbled into a few blogs, & I would have to agree with her that REAL people are BETTER. I told you I don't trust pictures — ever. If I haven't, well, now you know. ^_^ There's also this bit called "The Plastic You Call Computer", haha. I enjoyed this whole thing immensely, too.
There's also something for Matrix fans — but I found it somewhere else... go take a wild guess, hehe.
(MOTD) = Morphadron - Gimme The Power + Hack The Planet on loop
ANGER & ANXIETY MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUES from Hara Estroff Marano
Take three deep breaths. When you are angry, your body becomes tense. Breathing deeply will ease the tension and help lower your internal anger meter.
Change your environment. The quickest way to uncouple yourself from an ongoing source of anger is to take a five-minute walk to get some fresh air. Stuck in traffic? Take a mental escape by turning up the radio and singing at the top of your lungs.
Know why you feel angry. Track down the clues about the kinds of things, situation, people and events that trigger your anger. Anger often masks our deepest fears. In an anger-making situation, ask yourself what deep fears it might be stirring in you.
Let go of what is beyond your control. You can change only yourself and your responses to others, not what others do to you. Getting angry doesn’t fix the situation and makes you feel worse. If someone constantly arouses your anger, focus on the troublesome situation and brainstorm solutions.
Express yourself. Be sure to think first and use measured tones and words that are not emotionally loaded. In a non-confrontational way, state that you are angry and identify the situation that makes you angry and why it ticks you off.
Be cautious. There are situations in which expressing your anger holds danger. Having a jealous or abusive partner is one. Vent to a friend instead of the person who wronged you. You may wind up with some solutions you never imagined.
Be assertive, not aggressive, in expressing yourself. Assertiveness requires speaking in an effective, nonviolent way towards a constructive goal. It may help if you rehearse your response before delivering it.
Make positive statements. Memorize a few positive statements to say to yourself when your anger is triggered. They will remind you that you can choose your behavior instead of reacting in a knee-jerk way. For example, you might say: “I can take care of my own needs” or “I am able to make good choices.”
I remember making a report on Asserting Yourself in my Advanced Communication Techniques class 5 yrs ago. Maybe my instructor thought I could use a little bit of self-assertion, because I really don't suck up to her that much, even if I do actively participate in class discussions more than her average student. I guess I *do* have to assert myself more, especially that I usually wait for things to topple over when I should be venting en pronto. Either I just clam up, or blow it all off at some unsuspecting individual when I'm pissed. But don't worry, nowadays all I just want to do is curl up & die.
I miss the beach. Even if all I have to do is just sit in the shade fully-clad, with a refreshing drink in one hand, & drown myself in the moment while thinking about nothing & everything all at once (mostly about Life's shit) but at the same time being thankful for being sunkissed & soothed by (just watching) the waves.
I fell asleep right after wolfing down 2 homemade hamburgers for dinner & restarting the PC, but woke up to Kathz calling me on my 426 when she got home from work, which was quite a surprise. I wonder if she'll get a new phone soon, or have her old one fixed. If she did come over earlier, we could've gone out. Then again, I dunno.
In other news, my mom wants me to dress less androgynously. Shyt. As if there's any hope left.
The Chariot, reversed, suggests that you may tend to act too impulsively, or on the contrary, you may think things to death until opportunity has passed you by. You have the potential to be a leader, but you must find balance.
The Chariot moves smoothly when all wheels are on the ground. You are being reminded that you will need to identify your goal clearly before you can be victorious in its achievement.
The Tower, reversed, suggests that you might be longing for the status quo rather than trying to move forward and rebuild that which has fallen, either physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. You are being reminded that even if you don’t know what to believe anymore, you can still hold fast to your values and act with courage, rather than wallow in misery and despair.
Being the tamad "texter" that I nowadays am, it's surprising how I've been doing random, over-SMS readings this weekend. I prefer actual encounters, however. I'm not looking forward to doing so with just about anyone in the meantime, though. I'll have to endure my seclusion just a little bit longer — with the risks of dropping out of school again — to get myself back on track.
Abbee doesn't know the meaning of the word 'enough.' It's not that Abbee is greedy or that she lacks self-discipline — far from it. Abbee goes out of her way to share, care and be fair. That's why she never quite knows when to stop. To draw the line you have to be a little insensitive. How, precisely, should it be measured? With a magnifying glass? Or with a microscope? Abbee is extremely sensitive and keenly perceptive. She is a Libran, born under the sign of the scale. Abbee knows in her heart that no matter how meticulously you ever weigh anything in this world you can always reach a different conclusion if you apply a more refined set of measurements. Abbee knows that those refinements are infinite. Hours have minutes, minutes have seconds. Seconds have nanoseconds. No wonder Abbee is never sure what time it is!
Some people are prone to assume that Abbee has her head in the clouds. They think that she lives in a world of her own full of lofty ideas and complex theories. Other people have the temerity to watch Abbee at work in this way and to suppose that Abbee is indecisive! Where on earth do they get that idea from? Actually Abbee is one of the most decisive people on the face of the planet. She absolutely, definitely knows what she wants but she only knows it from one second to the next. To the untrained eye this appears to be an inconsistency. What they fail to see are the countless nanoseconds during which Abbee's sense of purpose is solid as a rock. Abbee, though, knows what people are thinking and so, to keep them on their toes she makes a point of declaring her intentions loudly and clearly. She makes quite sure that these brave statements never differ from day to day. That fools most of the people most of the time.
You represent... Angst.
You have an extremely cynical outlook on just about everything. It's okay to sulk and be depressed, but life is short, and you only get one. It's only what you make it, and only you can make it improve.
"The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him with his friendship."
The Moon is in your sign all weekend, giving you an excuse to change your mind even more often than you usually do. This isn’t about logic, which is your typical reason for being on the see-saw. Now, however, it’s more about your feelings. They are washing up onto the beach of your awareness with a different emotion every few minutes. If you don’t like what you’re feeling, just patiently wait for the next wave.
General Daily Overview The Moon entered relationship-oriented Libra at 2:46 am EDT. We tend to reflect on what’s going on without as much judgment as usual. We strive for balance. We try to find the right mixture between social and personal. Meanwhile, the Sun forms an irritating quincunx aspect with Mars, now in his retrograde phase. Little things can annoy us and then we get annoyed with ourselves for being bothered by such trivia. It’s difficult now to find that elusive balance the Libra Moon so desperately needs.
Sometimes flimsy things like horoscope readings make so much sense... or is this all just "psychological", as mon cheri fUse would put it? This could be just my mood swings talking now. Gotta hit the sack en pronto.
That depends on what time I sleep... which is more often than not unpredictable.
2. Do you sleep in on the weekends? How late?
Very late. Don't ask.
But sometimes I don't since weekends are the most fun.
3. Aside from waking up, what is the first thing you do in the morning?
Depending on how much I am in a hurry... but I'd go downstairs to make breakfast/brunch & take a bath.
4. How long does it take to get ready for your day?
Even if I'm not so prissy to worry about my make-up or hair or clothes, I can be terribly lousy when getting prepped for my day. I'm just fucking lethargic like that. Though the longest bath I can take on the average lasts around 20 minutes, I need like 2-3 hours at the most.
5. When possible, what is your favorite place to go for breakfast? McDonald's. YUM. I'd kill for their Sausage McMuffins, hash browns, McOmelette, & hot chocolate.
"Looking back on the memory of the dance we shared beneath the stars above, for a moment all the world was right. How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye? And I? I'm glad that I didn't know the way it all would end, the way it all would go. Our lives are better left to chance. I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance."
Prelims week. Dammit. Does anybody know where I can score a copy of One Flew Over A Cuckoo's Nest for my film class? Hopefully I'd finish all my requirements before Tuesday next week. Pero e-mail ko muna <3 ko...
When I stand up for myself and my beliefs,
they call me a bitch.
When I stand up for those I love,
they call me a bitch.
When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts
or do things my own way, they call me a bitch.
Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart.
It means I live my life MY way.
It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.
When I refuse to tolerate injustice and
speak against it, I am defined as a bitch.
The same thing happens when I take time for
myself instead of being everyone's maid.
It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself
to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of
what they think I "should" be.
I am outspoken, opinionated and determined.
I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!
So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame,
try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me.
You won't succeed. And if that makes me a bitch, so be it.
I embrace the title and am proud to bear it !!! ^_^
(MOTD) = Beyonce Knowles featuring Jay-Z - Crazy In Love
Hehe, last night was so surreal. Maybe it was the shock from the huge thud from the crash that made me go scatterbrained that I lost track of how to get to Forbes so at least we could head over to Espana, dammit. And if that wasn't bad enough, I even had to be so careless to forget my blue comb inside AJ's car. Now I'm totally at a loss. But thanks for driving me home, yay. ^^
Dammit. Blogger's got a new editing screen. Yay. Haha. I might just like posting here again. Although I've been meaning to post ever since all along, of course. Shit, I've been gone for so long. Welcome back, Abbee.
I'm back in school again — I hope I don't fucking slip.
Last Five Books Read: (all of which I've read before)
Memoirs of a Geisha
The Sacred Circle Tarot
Osho Transformation Tarot
Public Relations Writing Form & Style, 6th Ed. (fuck school)
(remind me to steer clear of movies like 15 Minutes, The Animatrix, & my usual trip until my head clears)
Last Movies (not reruns) Watched: Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle
How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days
Along Came A Spider
The Animatrix
The Guru
Sorority Boys (HAHA)
The Beach
Zoolander
Daredevil
8 Mile
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
Current LSS: Glassjaw - Ape Dos Mil
Urbandub - Gone
Diffuser - I Wonder
Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Date With The Night
The Railway Children - Skinship
Maroon 5 - This Love
The Animatrix The Album
Current Video Game: nada... I'm bored as hell as of late to play anything.
The Knight of Wands, in the Hidden Motivations position (which reflects your inner guidance, belief system, conscience, worldview, or Will) suggests that you might operate from a standpoint that doesn’t include ulterior motives, or, if it does, your probably state them or make them known freely. You may be drawn to "higher" forms of study such as philosophy or religion, or choose to undertake actions of social responsibility in your quest to gain a greater understanding or perspective of the world around you. You may tend to approach new opportunities with enthusiasm and excitement, and others might perceive you as being someone of high spirits, esteem, and optimism. Your work, projects, service, or career may hold a place of great importance in your life. More than likely whatever it is that you do may be more like a calling rather than a "job". For this reason, it may be as much a part of who you are, as anything else. There is the possibility, however, that you may get so caught up in what you do, that you forget about the rest of the world. Even during your down time, you may still plan or do in relation to your "calling". This can tend to make you reclusive, or even obsessive. You are being reminded to attend to your everyday needs as well, even if this means just hanging out with friends and not talking about your career, project, or calling.
Despite all your rage, you're still just a rat in a cage. Get out of your box. You will find that influences from other people are apt to cause some serious transformations in your general frame of mind. Let your belief systems become loose and let them morph into other frames of mind. Consider new ways of living. Do things to get out of the streamlined social construction of how you should live your life.
Dammit. Life is unfair. Why can't I just DIE right now?
You are brilliant and extremely clever. You can handle almost any problem swiftly and efficiently. You are devoted to philosophy and are always up for a good discussion. Sometimes, though, your anger gets the best of you and you upset those whom you care about.
The Ace of Wands, in the Hidden Motivations position, suggests that you possess an irrepressible life force. You honor your intuition, and have been awakened to your potential. You may experience a mind/body link that may border on the psychic, and you see daily a spiritual or passionate connection between yourself and important relationships in your life. Demonstrating a boundless energy and enthusiasm, you feel comfortable giving life to new ideas or ventures, and your ability to remain optimistic may oftentimes be the very spark of your success!
LIBRA: Your innate ability to juggle several things at once will leave you juggling instead of putting things in their place. Say "no" to a few invitations for a while, and unravel your own chaos. In this process, you'll recover the energy you need.
Oh, so true. I should take more time out for myself again. Argh.
Nine of Wands, in the Hidden Opportunity position, suggests that you have faced some tough times, or learned some hard lessons, but now is a time for you to persevere and dig up your hidden or inner resources. Because of your stubborn refusal to give up, you may find yourself with the opportunity to remain standing after all the dust settles. No matter how difficult things may seem, you must recognize that you are a survivor with the strength to manifest your force of will. Don’t let anyone or anything keep you down. This could be the last challenge or test before victory.
Taking care of chores around the house might bring some matters about the home to your attention which need to be taken care of. Perhaps there are a few minor repairs that should be made, or maybe you need a new piece of equipment or furniture. You should be optimistic about the future, and confident enough to get back into your daily routine without feeling any letdown.
I can actually use the time & space to recuperate.
1. If you had the chance to meet someone you've never met, from the past or present, who would it be?
Hmmm... I'd love to meet a lot of people, really, but I'm scared shit.
2. If you had to live in a different century, past or future, which would it be?
It'd be kewl to live in feudal Japan or sometime BC in China, but it would be a major bummer because being female means I'd have to put up with all the shit that women faced back in those times.
3. If you had to move anywhere else on Earth, where would it be?
Anywhere that allows me to avail of technology & all modern conveniences pretty easy, & the weather + geography doesn't suck that much, & there wouldn't be anybody annoying to screw my days up.
4. If you had to be a fictional character, who would it be?
Daria. or Jane Lane.
5. If you had to live with having someone else's face as your own for the rest of your life, whose would it be?
All I'm ever up to lately is eating, aside from my new pet kitten Sophie. I just made carbonara & orange juice earlier, & man am I stuffed. Last night I had a bar of Firklover that shadowkat gave me, then we both ate a few spoonfuls of sinful leche flan, nido soup with mushroom, lasagna, & macaroni salad at Malen's. Eh when I got home I had lumpia shanghai & beef yakisoba. A few days ago I was tripping on cereal & chocolate syrup, potato chips & Hershey's Nuggets. Sarap pa ng pork sinigang & beef with ampalaya ni Ma. Didn't eat much of her adobo for lunch kanina, though. Hay, after sometime of pig-out decline, eto na, bingeing na naman. The pizza crepes & sundaes at this ice cream parlor-cum-coffee shop in my locale are delightfully gewd. Ayoko naaaaaaaa.
"You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width & depth."
--Shira Tehrani
"The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high & falling short; but in setting our aim too low, & achieving our mark."
--Michelangelo
You might find yourself extremely busy socially at this time. Invitations for large parties, small gatherings with close friends, and intimate evenings with romantic partners might all present themselves to you today. Be discriminating in those you accept. Concentrate on seeing those people who share your interests. This may bring new friends your way, as well as opportunities to expand your personal horizons. Enjoy!
I need a break. Gotta get some sleep. Plus a nice, long bath with the works. My books need reading, too. My room is such a mess again. Everything here at home requiring cleaning & arrangement needs attention. Argh.
moisturizer with SPF 15
this month's issues of my fave local gurly magazines, hehe
prepaid internet cards
4. What four things do you need to do this weekend?
sleep
reorganize my stuff & consecrate my cards
get my windburn treated
finalize plans on going to this Womanity exhibit & poetry-reading session in Powerbooks
"The key... is not to think about whether or not something is possible, but simply whether or not you want it... The paradox of life is that we are often not shown how we can get something until we first commit to having it."
--Jack Canfield & Mark V. Hanson
"The person who criticizes others all the time is, in reality, unhappy with oneself. He or she concentrates on what's wrong with everything instead of what's right with it. This person concentrates on the specks of dust that may be found on any masterpiece and, as a result, goes through life missing the beauty and the wonders of life."
1. What is your favorite type of literature to read
(magazine, newspaper, novels, nonfiction, poetry, etc.)? Magazines. Nonfiction — inspirational, reference, & occultic in particular.
2. What is your favorite novel? Stephen King's Four Past Midnight.
Arthur Golden's Memoirs of A Geisha.
Paul Coelho's The Alchemist.
3. Do you have a favorite poem? (Share it!) Shakespeare's Sonnet 71.
4. What is one thing you've always wanted to read,
or wish you had more time to read? These new books I bought last Monday, Love In The Time of Cholera.
5. What are you currently reading? Tarot for the Healing Heart by Christine Jett.
Welcome back to the world of the living. You've been so pre-occupied with your existential questions lately that you have been missing the point about letting go and enjoying playing the hand that life has dealt you. Now you're more in tune and present in your daily life, more able to recognize and appreciate the joy that you can find moment to moment. It's been an important discovery. Well done!
Hehe, right on. SAPUL! I love my personalized horoscope readings!
Six of Wands reversed, in the Secret Inhibitions position, suggests that you may fear the responsibility that comes with leadership or success. You may outwardly behave in a manner that suggests discontentment with believing yourself "always the bridesmaid, never the bride", but in actuality, you may have accepted this role out of a lack of self-esteem. You may be uncomfortable with praise, and tend to be self-effacing to the point where others may begin to believe it. You need to know that you can vindicate yourself by standing up to and overcoming that fear. Pay attention to your intuition and feed your spiritual needs, and the rest will follow.
WTF? That's the problem. I do not know what my intuition is really trying to say. I may be just too carried away more with my emotions than with my instincts.
If you need to run around and do errands like a chicken with its head cut off, don't drag others along with you. Complete your mission solo. You will find that you are much more efficient if you don't have the extra weight to carry around. Not only will you get your chores done faster, but you will have time to think and process certain things on your own without the influence of someone else's energy around to taint your thinking.
Hehe, which I did! I cooked breakfast & lunch then cleared the sink like thrice single-handedly, but now I'm too tired to do anything else, like clear the stove & counters in the kitchen. Maybe later. I had a nice long cold shower, though, so that makes me all the more delighted with how things are working out. Yay. My dad who rarely eats my cooking complimented my beef stew for the first time, blurting out loud to my mom's horror, "pwede ka nang mag-asawa!" HAHA. Either he was too hungry that he'd eat anything served hot at the dinner table, or he really meant that cheesy remark. Oh, well. But being approbated like that by Dad is already big deal, considering how he'd just say, "OK lang" or "pwede na to" whenever I'd whip up meals in lieu of my mom or everytime I'd make him coffee.
"Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means you have decided to look beyond the imperfections. "
--[author unknown]
Easier said than done, as it takes time getting used to the idea, but it's worth it. It's not settling for anything less, really — but more of a matter of counting one's blessings & still hoping for the best while being on guard for the inevitable. Life is too truly short to be wasted crying over the proverbial spilled milk.
What has traditionally been known as the Moon card refers to a deep state of sensitivity and imaginative impressionability, developed within a womb of deep relaxation. Here we dream and go into trance, have visions and receive insights, wash in and out with the psychic tides, and experience deep mystical and/or terrifying realities beyond our ordinary senses. The full moon and/or eclipse cycle charted by the Magi (as in some of the earliest Moon card images) exemplify this as a mechanism that Nature uses to expand consciousness.
The variants of the courtly lovers (representing skillful use of the sex force) or the man sleeping it off under the tree (use of drugs to alter consciousness) are also traditional avenues for tapping this primal force. Human interest in higher states propels us to the frontiers of consciousness, where we cannot always control what happens. The Moon card represents the ultimate test of a soul's integrity, where the membrane between self and the Unknown is removed, and the drop of individuality reenters the Ocean of Being. What transpires next is between a soul and its Maker.
1. what is one thing you don't like about your body?
My figure. Go figure. Dammit. LOL.
2. what are two things you love about your body?
My puffy eyes & crummy hands.
3. what are three things you want to change about your home?
Realistically, I'd want more water (hehe), new plush couches, & fix the overall look of my room.
Now if I were to fantasize about things, I wish we lived someplace else big enough to accommodate a swimming pool.
4. what are four books you want to read this year?
Let me get back to you on this one.
5. what are five promises you have kept to yourself?
- think more positively
- be contented with what I have
- keep my temper in check
- get in touch with my inner self
- be more responsible around the house
Spent Valentine's Day mostly in bed, argh. Turns out that I'm coming down with the flu. I wasn't able to drop by the goodie bag I prepared for my best bud as I promised her a few hours, because a fever surfaced & I had no choice left but to sleep it off. I had to miss out on lunch & dinner, too.
But before that, it was rather disappointing that Catch Me If You Can wasn't being shown anymore in our local mall. We settled for Hero instead, & fuckn a, we weren't disappointed! PUTANGINA SA GANDA NON, NYETA! Haha, sorry for cussing, but the movie was THAT good (what an understatement)!
When we got home, my kid brother & I had a load of Lilo & Stitch (which he wasn't able to see last year but I already have) & Powerpuff Girls The Movie (w00t!) on VCD. Hehe, he is so cool. I'll never find anyone who can stand watching even the cheesiest of movies with me, then laugh all about it while we're at it. I'd really miss him when he leaves this summer to stay with my dad in our other house at my mom's province.
I hope Kathz wouldn't mind me dropping by early in a few... but God, I am so woozy right now.
I have so much to say. There's still water outage here at home, but as long as I can take a bath everyday & do household chores requiring water usage, hehe, I'll be fine. I just got back from Kathz's last night, who has just recovered from flu, & we kinda bonded over old letters before I gave her a follow-up reading to what I did for her 9 days ago. I also brought 3 local gurly magazines with insightful articles she could make use of, then advised her to keep a journal again. (I gave her a little black book she could use for the purpose for our friendship anniversary, remember?) She should stop running away from her fears & insecurities by turning into some frenzied bitch heading straight towards self-destruction. I had fun; she said she did, too. I hope she'd get some sense knocked into her before anything else crazy happens to her. We babbled about a lot of things, but what I liked best that she blurted out of the blue was what she thought about Stephen Speaks' Passenger Seat song, which is, quite to my amusement, uncannily a part of my real-life love story, hehehe. ^_^
Anyway, catch me if you can... I'll be out tonight with my sister to grab a few things for tomorrow, & for a movie. Yeah, go figure what.
My best bud came over to surprise me this afternoon, only to realize that I surprised her, too, by not being home & blah. Too bad I'm too sleepy to drop over her place. I'm in dire need of a bath, too. A nice, LONG, cold one at that. I hope the water supply evens out. Fuck, I'm really terribly sleepy... zZz... more updates in a few... *zonks out*
Mind your physical health today. If you're feeling tired and run down, don't push yourself. Seriously consider taking a day off from everything and get the rest your body needs. Doing this can prevent more serious ailments by bolstering your strength and immune system before it's depleted too much to fight off viruses. If you think you can't take a day off, consider what you'll do when you're forced to take several because of being ill.
I miss the beach... & the warm weather that eludes the world as I write this. But wishing for summer would be probably dreadful at this point... who in his right mind would dare to bear another gruesome heat wave?
Unwittingly slept the whole day yesterday, after the maintenance servicemen for the airconditioners at home got everything done. Forgot to have lunch, but had bacon & cheese with pandesal early for breakfast. Was so damn tired; sleep was very much welcomed. Would have to fix my room again after getting a few more chores downstairs done.
I got lovely Christmas presents yesterday (hehehe) from him, including this endearing surprise that was supposedly a mere reminder of what we shared, i.e. Serendipity. I don't usually cry over reading books, but now I think I've degenerated into utter sappiness.
I forgot what was the title of this other anime series that Kathz had on VCD aside from the Love Hina Christmas & Spring specials. I wasn't able to go out yesterday & last Friday as promised, because of my darned cramps. I'm feeling a little bit better now, but I'm not sure if I can finally leave. I'll try, as I don't want to break my word all over again. Besides, I owe her this reading entailing primarily a work/career spread I found online which I'm very much pleased with, hehe. The psychological reading that I tried on her last Thursday was highly potent — reflective of her repressed issues at the most — & she tried this silly little game of choosing out of 78 cards a few of our favorite numbers in descending order. For example, out of that 78 in my deck, she'd count up to 29 cards, then count up again to 18, then 15, then 8, then 4, then 2, then one last card which would stand for zero. Such numbers are those that represent a great deal of our history & what not. It was a good try, of course, but I do not want to dabble in self-made spreads by myself just yet. It's rather hard, after all, to make readings for myself in the first place. What came out in that little experiment got me thinking big time, though. Especially what turned up to be the numbers 4, 1, & zero (what we decided upon that would signify that we have to start from scratch) in my reading... damn life.
1. As a child, who was your favorite superhero/heroine? Why?
Uhm, I never really looked up to anyone like that when I was a kid. I'm more into realistic characters, like fictional martial artists & a few real-life remarkable people. But eventually as I grew older, I appreciated Batman — thanks to Tim Burton, hehe.
2. What was one thing you always wanted as a child but never got?
I think I quite got a lot of things I wanted, even if it had to take me until recently to do so. I'll still think of something for this question, though.
3. What's the farthest from home you've been?
Cagayan de Oro, I think. The place is fabulous. Northern Mindanao is fantastic actually, if it weren't for some of the people or the language barrier & diversity of the culture. I wouldn't want to live there. Dammit.
4. What's one thing you've always wanted to learn but haven't yet?
A new language in full, like Nihongo or German.
5. What are your plans for the weekend?
Rest as much as I can, because physically I'm really feeling sick & sluggish, then fix my room. Also, work on my reading & new blog communities.
Generally, the Four of Swords sends a message to take some time out, surrendering worldly concerns and retreating to a sheltered place of serenity away from the hustle and bustle. The oldest Tarot card images suggest a visit to the tombs of our ancestors, a place to contemplate your mortality and breathe in the dust of those who brought you here.
A vision quest or pilgrimage to one's own center allows us to contemplate our roots, values and goals. Here you will see your place in the flow of time ... and unfolding generations.
Why is it that I have to go through such an inner journey now, to the point of getting stuck, when everyone else seems to be moving fast forward? What is waiting for me beyond this maddening phase? When will I ever break out of this rut, to boot?
I'm off to pick up this anime VCD that Kathz wants to lend me tonight, & I might give her a full-scale reading again, dunno. Her nephew/our godson Sean got sick for a week & she was busy applying for a new job so I haven't heard from her for a while. Oh, well. I hope everyone else has a fun weekend.
Silly me, I just heard about Michelle Branch planning to work with Scott Weiland!!! I love Michelle all the more after getting her Broken Bracelet CD from mein uber liebe fUse last November, & I guess you know by now how much I'm into STP. I wonder if she'll be doing a track with Weiland, too... I hope she does! I wonder how's that going to sound if ever that happens!
"It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them.
They went out and happened to things."
A lot of things happened in a span of a week or so. Actually, for the past 3. It's a shame I couldn't just blog about it. Most of my experiences entailed tarot readings I've done for other people. What psyches me out the most is that I've met a lot of new people in the process & I'm glad I was able to be in touch with their lives, but it was weird how they were all looking for answers that focused on asserting themselves & knowing what they really want in life, all in line with getting in sync again with spirituality. Hehe, heavy stuff, eh? It's actually scaring me how I'd rake in satisfied feedback, to think I'm such a dork in person. What's more, I've just been invited to get into it real publicly. Uh, seriously? Everything's beginning to be very overwhelming. The fact that this blog's sounding more & more like a tarot e-journal is... crazy.
But still, I would wish to have the Sacred Rose deck. Bad. Maybe even the Fantastical. I've changed my mind about Haindl.
Though first I have to find a nice real box to keep my present decks in. I had to discard the first antique one that was given to me as a gift last weekend, because I've realized it wasn't meant to be mine to own in the first place.
Anyway, I'm glad that because of cartomancy, I was able to become less scatterbrained — thus more attuned to the things & people around me.
Traditionally, the card known as the Hanged Man usually indicates a lack of ability to help oneself through independent action. This energy is arrested and awaiting judgment. With this card, there is no avenue for the will to regain control until the situation has passed.
This represents a good time to be philosophical, to study and meditate upon the position you find yourself in, and form resolutions for the moment you become free again. Only those who possess wisdom, patience and optimism will be able to see through limitations, including possible humiliation, to grasp the inspiring lesson one can gain from such an experience.
For what is better than sincere, uncalled-for praise?
"Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you."
Argentina’s Valle de la Luna is often called the most desolate place on the planet, completely absent of both life and humidity. But this extraordinary sight, shaped by atmospheric elements, comes alive on moonlit nights as spectators gather to catch a glimpse of the lunar landscape the valley resembles, a likeness strong enough to earn its astral name, Valley of the Moon.
Last night I got to watch Slackers & The Hot Chick with Kathz over at Marky's, along with her other best bud Rosalyn, then when I dropped her off at her place, she lent me CD's of Antitrust, Shaolin Soccer, & — ohmigod, yay — A Walk To Remember!
& wtf, after watching that flick early this morning, lookie here:
LIBRA: Romantic novels and movies could be more appealing than usual to you today, as you're in an especially intense frame of mind.
YIKES! Dammit! Hit the spot SMACK-DAB!
Go ahead & laugh, but I actually fell in DEEP love with the story... Shane West... the goddamn soundtrack I was supposed to pick up at Tower Records when I had the chance but didn't... I might as well gag myself now.
Excuse me while I try to jump off the roof so I can flyyyyy!!! Hehe.
I might have to go back to Kathz's later, though. I still have to hear the real deal regarding her sudden NDE, frustrated dates, jobhunting woes, & everything else she has to offer to spill. Oh, well.
"Each day holds a surprise. But only if we expect it can we see, hear, or feel it when it comes to us. Let's not be afraid to receive each day's surprise, whether it comes to us as sorrow or as joy. It will open a new place in our hearts, a place where we can welcome new friends and celebrate more fully our shared humanity."
The following American advertising campaign slogans didn't fare too well when translated for use in another country.
The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?" prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read, "Are you lactating?"
When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the labels of what's inside, since many people can't read.
Pepsi's "Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave" in Chinese.
My shoulders hurt. I haven't written a real entry yet on my other blog. All I know is that I'm really tired, & I've had a long week. I finally have a copy of The Art of War on paperback & Shy lent me The Two Towers, which I don't think I'll be having time to read just yet. I can't even finish my drafts for my posts.
"Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety — or the handle of faith."
--Henry Ward Beecher
I have to be more faithful this year... more attuned to my gut feel, more laden with know-how (ahhh, yes, think warfare strategem), more relying on divine intervention, more balanced to know whether or not I should act on my instincts & impulses, & when if ever.
Heaven help me. Thank you.
(MOTD) = Surreal Madrid - Insanity Sauce (Need For Speed IV theme)
"Every man should be born again on the first day of January. Start with a fresh page. Take up one hole more in the buckle if necessary, or let down one, according to circumstances; but on the first of January let every man gird himself once more, with his face to the front, and take no interest in the things that were and are past."
