Feeling grumpy lately? Don't fret, your bad mood won't last. This attitude is so unlike you, Libra. Friends and family notice your change in personality, but still treat you with consideration and respect. You are fortunate to be able to draw upon a considerable wealth of kindness and good deeds that you have done over the years. Your friends and loved ones treat your mood as an aberration, which is exactly what it is.
I never thought I'd feel this again, but I'm feeling like what I've gone through exactly 3 years ago — bummed out (nostalgic, to boot) & alone. The last Christmas that was the most painful for me to go through was spent lurking along U.N. Avenue & Pedro Gil, with all the mocha fraps & Delifrance stuff I could down, despite my significant lack of funds, trying not to think about my state. Sure I've come a long way from all my scatterbrained wretchedness & I can say at least to myself that I've grown up so much, but that doesn't change anything. I still hate my life, all them walang kwentang people I care about, & how the world works in general.
To be really mundane about things, I have to remind myself to get the following ASAP: eye drops, a non-residual cleansing bar for my oily/combination skin, lots of tissue paper, the camera bag's zipper fixed, a black top preferably to wear on the Yuletide, new earrings, & Saturday's meetup with Apple (a friend of mine since the fourth grade).
But I'm glad we survived the recent horrible storms. I don't have anything to say about the tragedy, except that people should wise up after the commotion, & look after each other all the more.
Anyway, it was fun seeing Cha-Cha again last Monday. Her real name's Charlene, & we met in college mainly through the English Club (the same way I met Kathz, Marky, Babes, Anthony, & Genie — who was then official muse). She became my make-up artist & stylist (di kinaya ng isa ang powers ko, though, so Rosalyn helped her out, hehe) when I dumbfoundedly made it to our school's VJ Hunt finals 4 years ago (pucha, kakagitla talaga!). She's pretty & kikay, pero wag ka, into taekwondo din sya. She also gives great hugs & I've yet to hang out with her on a cocktails-&-videoke night, hehe. I'm happy for her lately & I want to make up for everything soon.
I had a great facial & I'll be coming back after a couple of weeks. It was pretty cheap & INTENSIVE compared to everything else I had this year, & I still have a 10% discount coupon for another one, hehe, lying around!
Movie-wise, I've finally seen Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (early preview), The Polar Express (first showing night), & Super Size Me (at home, yay!). Up next, 2046. :D
So much for keeping a supposed girl's room. I didn't bother to fix the rest of the background — what you see is what you get. Here's two of my latest acquisitions (from different people) — the seasonal bouquet (which obviously I couldn't give justice to in this shot) & a neat Dinga pillow (from Kathz last Tuesday). I knew I should've taken a picture of the last bunch of flowers I received (for my birthday), which came in a lovely peach & pink array.
Finally I've done most of what I wanted to accomplish, & finished (as well as enjoyed) a whole lot of other things in the process (like paying the proverbial household bills with my brother), so I probably can relax a bit now. As Veronique Vienne once put it, "a measure of happiness is how often we sigh at ease".
Speaking of which, I might as well quote her further (what I've always been wanting to do but keep forgetting!) because I love silly, pour femme books that help enrich my tarot reading & keep me sane by justifying my quirks at the same time:
"Some of the best thinking we do happens when the conscious mind is on a sabbatical.
"Isaac Newton figured out the law of universal gravitation when sitting under a tree.
"Ben Franklin invented the lightning rod while flying a kite.
"Thomas Edison came up with the lightbulb filament while idly rolling kerosene residue between his fingers.
"Albert Einstein pondered the riddle of the universe with a cat on his lap.
"So don't get up yet. Contribute to science. Stay prone as long as you can.
"Erosion is a slow process, but it's a creative one. It's how the earth chisels mountains, carves canyons, makes sand dunes, & subdivides continents... Don't be afraid to wear down what's on the surface of ordinary life in order to expose the rock bottom of your feelings."
Ooh, how Zen! :D Drudgery is good all along. Like I always say, sometimes my mind is clearest while I'm worked up washing the dishes or watering the plants or organizing my school notes. Or even with just a big spoiled cat named Sophie on my lap.
Just when I get my nails nicely done it had to rain on me & I had to fucking walk into puddles. At least I finally got to see The Incredibles, & it's worth a second round, especially animation-wise! The first time the trailer came out, I've to admit I wasn't really interested, but it looked funny nevertheless. Now I can't wait for it to come out on home video format, hehe.
The short film that came before it was cute, too. I have a thing for their shorts, & I'm hoping they'd come up with more soon. I love Knick Knack & For The Birds the most.
I hope I'll still be able to catch Taxi, & I can't wait for the second Bridget Jones movie. I haven't read the book, though. & I have yet to pick up the dry-cleaning, for crying out loud. If it didn't rain so hard I would've really gone out. Kathz did give me a P300 TGIFriday's discount coupon, after all, & I have to put it to good use even without her. :D
I'm still having trouble making a wishlist for the holidays, even if most of the things I'd want are trivial. I find it comforting & disturbing at the same time to realize that the stuff I want for Christmas aren't exactly what I need so desperately to acquire. All the things I ought to have are those what I have to attend to most diligently this year but can't force myself to focus on — like go to school, secure a driver's license/SSS number/passport, & stick to whatever exercise program I'll subject myself to. It's hard being responsible, though. I'd rather think about all the parties & readings I can go to than actually struggle to "grow" fucking "up", yo. Could it be I'm just tired of managing things alone? I can't even go out & watch a movie all by myself anymore. But I'd rather be alone & emo than stuck with the wrong person/crowd. I neeeeeeeeeed HELP, however. I have to snap out of this stupid phase.
Yeah, so all I can do is whine, whine, complain, bicker, whine. But I guess this is better than bottling it all up. I'm about to go crazIER any minute now — & my room is getting more cluttered than ever. Obviously I'm not doing anything about it. I have a whole lot of other shit to do elsewhere, like shop for groceries, cram for a movie marathon, endure a few hours at some salon just because I can, meet up with other blog buddies, mail greeting cards, & pick up the goddamn dry-cleaning. Wish me luck, I have to do ALL of that TODAY. :/
Some of the indispensable things I could use, though, from my pending wishlist would be pots & jars of my favorite body scrub, new cozy bedsheets (preferably in pink), black ballet flats that fit, & an all-expense paid trip to the Bermuda Triangle. Ooh.
Hehe, happy birthday Deric! :) Your party was fun. Thanks for letting me mess up your desktop resolution (our blogs are best viewed in 1024 x 768 pixels hehe), install the ever-cheesy-but-rather-indispensable Chikka Messenger in your hard drive, & trip on your upbeat mp3s. Nothing like crazy pop beats to revv up a partayyy. Not to mention silly captions to go with them pictures fresh from the circuit. :P Don't worry, they won't remain public for long.
I want to go to this mystic shop really bad, for some reason. Actually, I've been wanting to go anywhere that offers tarot readings & what not, but I'm like HOURS away from a couple of places I've been forever wanting to check out. Ever since I got my very first tarot reading from someone else up close + from the proverbial Baclaran/Quiapo chain earlier this week, I want to "consult" other readers, just so I can compare notes. Maybe even get a funky dreamcatcher, too. Or ask about my other inane-sounding sentiments about my budding uh, shamanism & worries about possible psychic vampirism. Hehe. Freaky ba? But that's just how it is. I can't concentrate fully yet, though, because I've got a lot of things lined up for my attention — school, household maintenance, blogging, Sophie & the rest of the brood (I've got 3 kittens up for grabs, any takers? PLEASE!), my personal crap (like them lovely black ballet flats in Via Venetto; I hope they'd fit, yikes!). I just wish I can run away to some really splendid secluded spot soon, but I'd really appreciate it if youguys can tag along. Sometimes talking to the likes of you helps me re-organize my cluttered thoughts faster than spending hours gorging on food while laughing it out with the grrrls. But sometimes at the end of the day wasting time with you makes me miss the beau more. I don't even have to babble much — he'll just willingly drive me wherever I want to go then I'll be happy, snug, & crazy without worrying if I'm getting on his nerves. Haha, what another seemingly pointless entry this is turning out to be.
But seriously, I really want to expand my horizons with regards to my tarot reading. If it's going to be the last thing on earth I'd be dabbling in, I might as well improve my skills. It involves a lot of things I enjoy doing — meeting new people, bonding with friends, waxing philosophical, tripping on psychoanalysis & other bordering-on-occult subjects, testing my patience & ability to quip nifty quotable stuff out of nowhere — it comes naturally somewhat. I have no idea where exactly this whole hoopla's taking me, but I should find out soon — & fast.
Sometimes — ironically at the times I have to show them the most.
But I'm really transparent.
2). How can we tell that you're already irritated?
Speaking of transparency, do I have to demonstrate? I get sarcastic, I raise my voice, I grimace, I whine, I go ALL-CAPS — & it's either I walk out & slam doors or I go completely ballistic when I can't take it anymore, like any normal angry person would.
3. How do you treat the person that obviously doesn't like you?
I'd rather steer clear of his/her path.
4. What usually ruins your mood?
A whole lot of things, depending on the context. :P
5. Who do you see everyday that you wish you just wouldn't see at all?
Thank God NO ONE at this point in time.
6. When was the last time that you had a good cry?
I don't remember.
& it's the first thing I need nowadays, but can't give myself just yet.
7. How often do you shop for clothes?
Not often. I'm lousy like that.
8. Who's your long-time crush?
Some guy way back fifth grade. :P
9. What do you plan to do a year from now?
Be more productive — finally get that fucking diploma.
10. Is there anything that you wish you have? What?
Aside from my proverbial peace of mind & stability as well as a legit driver's license to match my dream yellow LamborghiniDiablo... uh, I have yet to make a wishlist for Christmas, hehe.
12. Do you wish to live in a faraway land where nobody knows you?
Yeah, I get that a lot.
13. Have you kissed a total stranger?
Not quite.
14. What do you want to do at this very moment?
Make up my mind.
15. The worst feeling?
Aside from the proverbial physical pain? Feeling EMPTY.
16. How about the best?
Appreciation & achievement.
17. Ever given your number to someone you dislike?
Mm, I don't think so.
18. What's your passion?
tarot, friends, novelty, liberal arts, self-assertion...
19. What is self-expression for you?
Quasi-hedonism, hehe.
20. Describe yourself in one word.
Paradoxical.
21. What is love?
Irrational.
22. What is stupid?
Life, among other things. :P
23. What's your ultimate goal?
Realize the truth then requiescat en pace. 0:)
24. What do you feel when you walk across someone you like?
Before Sunset was heartbreakingly crazy + beautiful, & a sequel that was sure worth the LONG wait. I recommend watching its predecessor (staged in Vienna) right after, especially if it's been YEARS since you've last seen it — realizing how all the signs that Jesse (Ethan Hawke) & Celine (Julie Delpy) were so meant for each other (especially with what the seemingly crazy palm reader had to say! HAHAHA) made so much sense & how they've realized their dreams in the sequel only to regret those in the end. Both movies seem to ram up in your face the idea of, like, who needs their dreams when you have finally met your soulmate? WTF. Obviously I cried buckets of snot AGAIN & got inspired with their lengthy discourses. Parang Kill Bill, you have to see BOTH volumes talaga. I'll elaborate further — I feel like crying again but I have to fix dinner first.
Basta I can so much relate to Celine — her being neurotic, progressive, as well as fondness for cats (she has an Asian-sounding name for her baby while I have a French name WTF for mine, na kasalukuyang nawawala, meh nililigawan na ata huhuhu). It's just creepy how she was already 32 (my favorite number & dreaded age) when they met again in Paris, & how they first met on June 16 (can I go ahead & die now?). But what is with the blasted date, anyway?
I forgot where I swiped these lines from but oh, what the heck:
It's not uncommon for couples to have clashing political ideas. For most people, sharing the same political viewpoints is not a prerequisite for courtship.
Couples say that being on different sides of issues and supporting different candidates or what have you can add zest to a relationship.
Couples who lean in different political directions say the key to keeping politics from getting in the way is to know when to stop.
Politics are important, but not something to get upset about.
I don't give a shit about politics, but I used to be quite a bitch about religion. However, the guys I could argue about religion weren't my type, & the guys I liked were too busy with other shit & out of reach. I wanted sheer compatibility but I couldn't score it. The guys I thought who were in the same frequency as I am were unbearable in the end, & when I tried to lower my standards all I came up with were total shitheads. Just when I've completely given up on lively conversation (the only other free thing that sustained me aside from music & the beach) only then did I realize that the search was over. Ang masaklap nga lang, I don't have anything else anymore to offer — I've grown so boring & listless & ditzy, & I hate myself for it. But I'll never give up my penchance for tarot & pigging out & random movies — wag nyo na lang akong kausapin kung nabobobohan at/o nababato kayo, demyu.
I still know a couple of guys, though, online, whom I can have fun talking to without really my fumbling for things to say to keep the conversational ball rolling. It's so easy, actually — all they have to do is come up with their usual crazy witticisms tas tatawa na lang ako't come up with a good retort. Plus they don't flirt, which is sooo refreshing. Fuck sexual tension. It's the last thing I need. Is it so much to ask for CATCHY emo-intellectual dissipation? Or am I just too cerebral for my own good sometimes? (HAHA cerebral daw sabay ditzy din pala!) Fuck politics — nakakabaog lang mag-isip nun at nakakawalang-gana lalong mabuhay.
Nalulungkot din ako dahil wala akong makausap. I get bored so easily pa naman, which is very much a curse, methinks. Despite being surrounded by lots of people & a whole slew of other stuff to get frazzled with, I feel very much alone & unheard. Yeah, maybe even unheard of. Nakakatamad tuloy lumabas. Nakakaiyak. If you think this is so fucking easy for me, au contraire. You're very much mistaken. I'm sick of it — being alone, feeling empty, saying I can't go through this any longer. I'm tired of clashes, disagreements, diversity. Politics is very much upsetting, but my personal life is all the more heartbreaking, & it's supposed to be the most important thing to me in the world.
Speaking of politics, I was right about the war. It should never have happened. Bush should go drown himself in oil, & let Saddam fuck himself in Iraq.
As you may already know, I get giddy over the silliest of things, like my new Hello Kitty mobile phone wallpaper, rocky road brownies, crazy comic strips, freaky-like-hell-because-you-just-hit-the-jackpot readings, hefty discounts (yay, discount cards rule!), mushy reminders from across the miles, sans rival, black olives, colorful cocktail straws, durable (& funky) paper towels, this new roast beef pizza with a cream cheesy crust topped with extra mozzarella, & the hope that someday my simple yet ambitious plans with Zhy (as well as hers with Rissa & mine with ^_^) would come true 3-5 years from now. But nothing really can sustain my interest & need to live until 40. I'm also getting tired of picking up stray kittens down the street. It's not that I can save the world by fostering a few cats every now & then. I can't even save myself.
Naloka ako sa House of Flying Daggers kahapon. Kinulit ko pa nang todo si Sonny para samahan akong manood, tutal pauwi na rin kami. Tangina talagang palabas yun. Hanggang ngayon eh tinatanong ko pa rin sarili ko bat ba kelangan ko pang makita yun. Pero ang gwapo talaga ni Jin!!! :D AHAHAYYY!!! Kahit medyo sungki pala sya (as if ako dehins) & nagpagulong-gulong sya sa damuhan na parang tanga. Move over, Legolas, you're fucking gay! Medyo kahawig ni Jin yung kras ko dati since grade five pa lang ako na palagi kong sinusupladahan MAGPAHANGGANG NGAYON, susmaryosep — coincidentally they're half-Japanese. Hmm, bat ba sobrang attracted ako sa mga mukhang Hapon? Dahil ba partly ang heritage namin ay galing pa sa ancient China? Ay, anlabo. Parang yung dialogue namin ng Nihongo professor kong engineer na terror pero heartthrob (kaso tibo ata ang bruha) 3 years ago —
HER:You're quite proficient in English. (Palibhasa kse mga tangek yung mga kaklase ko sa language na yun tas elective ko lang ang subject na drinop ko rin.)
Are you Chinese?
ME: (bewildered; panics, flusters) No, Ma'm...
I'm a Mass Comm student!
SUSMIONG MAHABAGIN.
Anyway, there were several heartbreaking lines in the movie, but what stuck to me the most are the ff.:
Mei: You shouldn't have come back.
Jin: I came back... for you, my love.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA, pang-asar dba.
Pero eto pa:
Mei: I want to be like the wind just for once.
Come to think of it, she actually chose freedom over love. Ika nga ni Clementine ng Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind,
I'm just a fucked-up girl looking for her peace of mind.
Personally all I'm hoping for is peace of mind & stability but that would be utterly impossible at this point.
I wonder what I should choose. Basta alam ko ang gusto ko lang eh pumanaw na noon pa. Mas maigi ata yun. Death would be the ultimate catharsis. Siguro kaya ako matagal nang kinukulit ng bruhang to:
Oo, malapit nakong bumalik saten! Bumebwelo lang ako!!!
Buti pa tong pamangkin kong cute na cute wala pang problema.
Sakto, ayoko nang magkaanak, sya na lang! Tutal hairy este fairy godmother na rin ako ng loko. (Hi, Ati Cokie! :P) Yun nga lang, pag naisipan ko pang bumangon at huminga.
I always get this blasted card. What should I do? Get rid of all my plans of going back on track so I could do something more productive with my life? Can't I be like my old self anymore? Should I allow myself to "die" & immerse in the "Underworld" for what I have now?
Eh pagod na pagod na kong mag-isa.
Take time off before circumstances force you to. Subjugate your outer life to your inner life for awhile; focus your attention there for now.
The card in the Long-term Potential position points to unknowns still taking shape. It is the "wild card" yet to be played.
When the Four of Swords is in this position, you might find that circumstances seem to conspire to sidetrack you for a while. Give your health or the demands of your private life a chance to take priority over your outer persona and your visible role in the world. Agree to temporarily forget about your considerable accomplishments and any sense of worldly importance you may have developed.
Just disappear for awhile, then go deep within to revisit and resolve long-ignored core issues. This is not a setback. Those around you who have become accustomed to depending on you may be strengthened as well. You deserve time to not have to be responsive and responsible to others. When you are finished with this period of introspection, you will return to the world with much greater clarity, strengthened for growth and progress in the future.
I just had to delete the last post. My period's over & for the love of God, I don't want to think about babies & ovaries for now. Especially that my mom & dad's been teasing me that I'd have a cuter kid & they want to see their grandchild from me soon — as if that's going to be easy. I only have 2 words for you, folks: ASA. PA.
Hehe. @#$%!?^&*!!@#!
I feel a bit saner now, but not quite. Nge. Anyway, I saw Fahrenheit 9/11 last night & I want to see it again. :)
But what I'm really excited about is seeing The House of Flying Daggers (tangina, I loved Hero, remember?) & the movie adaptation of Stephen King's "Secret Window, Secret Garden" from the Four Past Midnight book (which is, sadly, my only favorite Stephen King work, haha, yikes). Not only that Johnny Depp stars as Mort Rainey, but after wishfully thinking since 1992 that them Four Past Midnight stories should be made into motion pictures soon (I didn't see The Langoliers, though!), you can just imagine my surprise. :D
& oh, yeah, I was into Alfred Hitchcock before. My dad had this vintage pocketbook with a green cover & old thin yellowing pages, ugh, & it was the only thing in his collection that I liked, aside from his Great Cases of Interpol from Reader's Digest, which I've been reading since the sixth grade. Other than that, I stuck to children's classics. I didn't even enjoy Greek mythology that much, but since I was so into constellations & shit, that led me to learning about that in grade four. I'm such a happy moron.
I went out drinking with Zhy & Rissa even if I'm trying to steer clear of alcohol, & I've no regrets! I'm actually stocking up on this fabulous drink for the holidays. :D Perfect for my favorite pig-out fare, tas ang swabe pa ng tama! Buti nakauwi pako samen, hehehe. Wa poise talaga. I'll always choose champagne & banana wine over Blouberg white, though. & I'll always like el cheapo close-knit get-togethers + street parties over fancy dinners & huge soirees, unless I get really bored. Speaking of which, I'm planning to throw a Christmas party at home this year — potluck would be nice!
This post is going nowhere. But let me take a moment to plug my interest in badminton. Any takers? 50 php per head, play all you want thing.
Finally I got my mom to talk to me about my drastic + erratic time of the month woes. I'm sorry if I'm going to gross you out with this post, but I don't care. I'm hurting & restless & bleeding to death, & I don't know what to do with my life at this point. I have to see a fucking doctor for chrissakes soon, but now she's scared me (again) with details on how traumatic a visit to a gyne can very much be when you're "dalaga" pa & shit. I really have to get a checkup, though, even if I'm scared shitless. How on earth will I be able to function normally in school if I've got health issues like this? I keep telling her about my plight, but she didn't care before, saying it was just a phase & all I have to do is exercise like I used to again. Leche. Easy for us to say, when I'm depressed all the time. :/
But I'm glad it's my time of the month again & I got it on schedule, since I don't remember when was the last time I went through it. Maybe 2-3 months ago? I'm that screwed up. Usually stress aggravates things so I'd end up getting really delayed. No wonder I felt so mixed up & bloated last week. But aren't ovulating females supposed to look better than the usual? How come I looked like shit on my birthday?! (Oh, wait, I look like shit all year long!)
I think I'm halfway through my period, but I still feel sick. Before I realized I had it coming, a couple of days ago I felt so spent of my energy, even if all I did back then was wake up pretty early before sunup, eat after every 4 hours, then zonk out come sunset. What the hell. Now I can't even think straight, but at least I won another online scrabble bout, hehehe.
Pardon me for my inanity brought upon by a dire lack of iron & estrogen, but I just have to rant about this somehow. I hardly talk about my issues at all, especially offline. Sure, I hang out with girls more often than not now, but I can't actually bitch about what I'm going through. I was worse before, come to think of it. During my time when everybody was scrambling through puberty for dear life while I hated having to worry about bras & breakouts, I managed to play it cool like I didn't even suffer from it ever. I had it later in life compared to my peers & older sisters, so you can just imagine how panic-stricken I was having to renounce my old ways of living (climbing trees, playing street baseball & other "war games" with the boys, experimenting with so-called sandlots & biking nang walang pakundangan, among other crazy, wa poise antics) & keep myself sane through such awkwardness. Now that I know better, I'm more open to things. Heck, even queuing up in a busy convenience store for uhm, my stuff for such whacked-out times. Ugh.
I'm still a major prude, however. I'm not comfortable elaborating further shit about my uh, sexuality. HAHA. But I'm fairly OK with my being a girl na, & I guess that all that matters for now, even I still need to work on expressing my femininity all the more.
I got my nails painted frosted pink yesterday. Haha, ano ba naman itong kalandian ko. Kahit di naman bagay sa pang-araw-araw kong getup, sige pa rin! I had the best cheap manicure + pedicure + foot spa at my neighborhood mall, sa tapat ng coffee shop na malimit naming tambayan. The nice lady who did my nails even wanted to give me french tips, pero that'd be overkill if I obliged, right? Saka na! Hehe. I have to look a bit more girly from now on — which, for the life of me, is deathly impossible. Though I forgot to get my hair done again (pati facial sana papatusin ko na HAHA). My friends must really think I'm weird to go through all this bullshit, knowing how much of a tomboy + slob I am ever since. Ang saken lang naman eh, I don't care whether I'd end up looking pretty or sexy (yakkk) — basta I'd feel refreshed & contented, OK na yun! (I knew I should've had my flat feet massaged na rin while I was at it!) I guess you can say it's my way of nonconforming: not living up to what people oughta expect from me. :p Besides, despite my basagulero-sa-kanto look most of the time, hellerrr, I'm 100% gerlash, noh!
But I wish being a girl didn't have to cause so much trouble. Punyeta. Ang mahal pa! My budding love affair with Philosophy products is driving me crazy. Ayoko naman ng makeup. Leche. I'm frustrated enough trying to keep my skin clear as it is. OK na saken lip balm, clear mascara, hand sanitizer, & baby powder, susmaryosep. Gusto ko lang ng bath stuff so I can relax & keep myself squicky-clean kahit papano when I feel like it. It's part of my kabaklaan este New Age-y inclination. Nakakaloka. "So this is what Abbee's guilty pleasure is..." you might muse. Oo, nuon pa. I like stationery & scents & the colors pink & purple & flowers & silk & water & kawaii stuff ^_^ & love. Leche. "Eh bat ba feeling mo nasa hayskul ka pa rin, iha? Malapit ka nang mag-trenta pero ganyan pa rin ang inarte mo?!"
Haaaayyy, kaya all the more siguro I should be conscious of what I feel & project. So kung mamamatay na lang rin ako eh dapat sagarin ko na. Wish ko lang makapag-skirt talaga ako & strappy heels — the works — next year.
I actually had a very happy birthday despite everything else that got in my way, like lack of sleep, annoying parents, cancellation if not neglect of a few plans & things to stash at home for the party, & missing a few people who were supposed to be there, among other issues. I'd like to thank everyone who showed up & made it all possible. :D
First of all, I'd like to enumerate the highlights!
1) KTV was fun — the food was good kahit a tad too pricey & the sandwiches were sabog, the lemonade was the best-tasting mix I've come across ever, AJ & Deric's antics made the rounds more fun, Candy was hogging the mike & remote control but she put on a great show, & Kathz eventually warmed up to the crowd even if she became cranky at the last minute. Remind me not to go back there on weekends, though, hehe. We have to take advantage of the buffet nights! Five whole hours of craziness = bitin pa rin!
2) I fucking won in Monopoly!!! HAHAHAHA. I usually don't end up getting bankrupt, with more than a thousand dollars at hand worth of money & property at my worst (naks!) miraculously, but ending up with $4272.50 even if I've mortgaged Park Lane to be able to pay for my $390 rent to Kathz on my last horrid turn was awesome. To think I was already spaced out while playing. Yay! Salamat D, pinaunlakan mo ko. :P
3) I got a really pretty bouquet of peach & pink roses, a vintage tarot deck, a box of the rather cheesy Icebreaker game, free 100 Karma Coins for future online readings, a neat goth-looking black-gold scented angel candle, The Floating Landscape on DVD, & the "knowledge" that my guardian angel could actually be the archangel Michael himself (after flipping through this book Kathz found in Powerbooks Live; hers supposedly is the Angel of Abundance) even if my dad who drank too much gave this stupid anecdote on Michael & Satan. wtf. Hehe.
Anyway, Babes made it even if she was sleepy as hell & her teeth hurting from her readjusted braces. Thanks, girl. Good to know I've another fan of my so-called carbonara, hehe. Kathz brought like 20 paper plate holders, even if not many people got to stay around & eat at home. AJ was really helpful & spent a lot on calls, hehe. Please thank Martin for me & his other friend whose name I keep forgetting. Deric & Faith were as usual a fun, cute couple. :) Too bad Faith wasn't able to stay long & sing her heart out when most of us were goofing off. But my sister & I glad to see her again. I wish Zhy & Rissa were able to make it. :( But as long as they're alright, I'm OK na din. Oh, & I love the beau. As usual. :*
All's well that ends well, I guess. I should go get some cake later.
I love it when it rains like this early in the morning — so light, calm, & steady, that it gives this whole romantic yet at the same time euphoric effect. Rainy mornings really make my day. It's just sweet how Nature sympathizes with us this way. Just perfect, I've been so stressed out with all the domestic woes I've to deal with since God knows when last month.
I wish I'd have more quiet rainy days to savor. But I hope it doesn't rain on my birthday. Well, maybe I'd let it, but not that much to the point of disdain.
Finally got to watch Imelda last Tuesday. Don't ask why it took me so long to see it. I'll be watching it next week with Lorna, if it's still showing by then, because I've to fully understand Imelda's bothersome Seven Portals of Peace. Even if she's supposed to be the most hated woman of the century (next to my mom, of course, hehe), I can't help but pity her somewhat. I dont blame other women if they find a bit of something sensible to be gleaned from her. But they should be warned that they could turn into something like her & resolve to be more productive & rational instead. Sigh, the complexity that is female. The film is a stark wake-up call to everyone else, as much as it is for her. That we all should learn from the mistakes of the past & not be so much fixated on icons (because obviously nobody's perfect, dammit), as well as strive to bridge the gap between cultured elitists & the majority that is them ignorant masses. Yes, that can be quite possible, if those in power will be honorable enough to use their influence et al to achieve this & not take advantage of their constituents. Ergo, let us all exert more effort to be less selfish & superficial while remaining true to our convictions & ideals.
In other news, Powerbooks is on sale & yet I'm not sure what to get. Then I'm changing my mind about getting the VertigoTarot deck (with this one crucial card missing!) from a shop in Greenbelt this weekend. Being a tarot reader, I'd be compelled at some point or another to use it. It has, after all, lovely, enchanting imagery (even if it is more Thoth-inspired than anything else, yikes), & I don't keep decks for mere collection purposes. The comic shop owner is really nice, though, so I'm referring him to every Neil Gaiman fan I know.
Take note that another Mercury Retrograde is in full effect sometime next week to early next month. So much for plans then. I'll have to come up with a definite (crap)list by tomorrow. I hope to get enough DECENT rest soon. My body clock has gone way haywire.
(MOTD) = Mandy Moore - Everything My Heart Desires
1. This, too, shall pass. Nothing stays the same. The only constant in life is change. With every decision we make, we initiate change. Even when we decide not to, life still goes on, and changes still occur. When we are in a state of discomfort, sadness, grief, or pain, we know that because life goes on change will bring us some kind of relief. And because even comfort, happiness and all good things also pass, we know that we need to appreciate and cherish each precious, fleeting moment.
2. Time heals. The timepiece of life never stops. Neither does it pause for those who celebrate, speed up for those who are impatient, nor slow down for those who fear tomorrow. Time ticks a regular rhythm that steadily brings new moments, new days and new seasons. As time pushes forward, we take new steps, face new challenges, and create new opportunities. And as life goes on, we are forced to move past our episodes of disappointment, sorrow, or despair. More than anything else, time heals not just broken bones but broken hearts as well.
3. Ask, and you shall receive. People won't know what you want unless you ask for it. Dreams and goals are just wishes until you act on them, and acting on them often requires that you ask for answers, for assistance, or for something tangible. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help, but when you come forward, only then will the world know what to give you. Just ask and know that miracles can happen.
4. You can have anything, but not everything. Life offers us infinite possibilities. With hard work, determination and perseverance, we can achieve anything. If we are willing to pay the price and go the extra mile, we can have whatever our hearts desire. But no matter how hard we try, we can't have everything. Life is a balancing act of wins, losses and trade-offs. We gain some and we lose some.
5. What goes around comes around. It is the universal law of nature: do to others what you want others to do to you, because whatever you sow, you reap; whatever you give, you get back tenfold. It doesn't hurt to smile, or be kind, or extend a helping hand.
You never know when or how, but every act of goodness always returns to the giver. Give one today and receive 10 tomorrow.
Belated happy birthday to Ate Honey. I hope she & Henry are doing OK. It's nice getting in touch with them both lately. I'm just not really up to talking to anyone online for so long because of what I'm going through, in terms of physical well-being.
I can't even make myself do tarot readings, even if I owe a few people follow-ups. I can't muster the patience to compress all the pictures I've uploaded & learn how to make the new printer work. I can't make up my mind on what to do & eat. But I'm hoping to get my nails done today. I'm weird like that. I don't care if it rains on me as long as I'm getting them polished. I need a major... something. Drastic. Calming. Deadening.
I think Floating Landscape made a spectacular finale for the cinemanila extension hoopla. Can I go ahead & RAVE? Candy & I so LOVED it. I have to see it again. I want it on DVD! This is officially my next most favorite art film (next to Hero, in case you don't know that yet). Fuck them reviews. You'll just have to watch it. I agree that this film isn't for everyone. But most of the things I like anyway are underrated, so...
We're about to see Floating Landscape in a few. Too bad we won't make it to the 11:30pm showing of Imelda, & my sinuses are killing me. Do I have to be down with the flu again, when last month I was so stricken?! I'm OK, though. Now if only I had enough money to get myself a jar of body salt scrub a while back, I would've been really satisfied. But I got my usual banana yogurt bath stuff & a pair of new exfoliating gloves naman, so there.
Even if I wasn't able to go out as planned yesterday, either to make myself woozy with a Wong Kar Wai movie marathon somewhere in Sucat with a bunch of new LJ friends, or to finally see Janice & the rest of the Cafe Arcana girls again, I had fun at home. Zhy & Rissa came over around 7pm when I thought they wouldn't make it & I was on the verge of going crazy (as if I don't on a regular basis!) suffering from hurting limbs + contemplating lurid thoughts alone in my room. Made carbonara from scratch (added too much basil, though, but it turned out great anyhow!) when we grrls vowed not to eat too much anymore come nighttime & had coffee crumble ice cream (YUM YUM!). We took loads of silly pictures (no, I ain't posting them yet :P) & laughed about the things we've painstakingly been through for the past 3 months, then played mean rounds of gin rummy (tangina from 1am-6am? LUPET! & fuck, I only aced once!). It's nice doing new things with auld lang syne friends, to think it's my usual trip with other (yeah, newer) friends. I hope they weren't too bored. Good luck to the both of them moving to their new pad. I wonder what Candy & I can do to surprise them (for their housewarming kumbaga).
I'm making myself sick with cheesecake I bought a few hours ago. I've no idea how I'm going to shed the extra pounds I gained during the past few weeks before my PMS was supposed to end. Maybe I'm still PMSing. Pathetic.
In other news, Zatoichi will be shown again until the 27th of this month, I think. I'm hoping my sister & I will get to see Beautiful Washing Machine & Floating Landscape before Cinemanila finally comes to a close.
It's someone's birthday today, I've just eerily remembered... after quite some time of not thinking about the person in question. Oh, well, why can't some psychic ties be completely severed? Take note NOT from my end.
(MOTD) = Ambulance - Primitive (The Way I Treat You)
I know I've posted an elaboration of my birth chart before in my LiveJournal, but because of the recent Sun-Saturn alignment (don't ask me how that's like just yet), here's more about the complexity that is me. I'm sorry for the astrology + numerology + tarot overload — but I get a kick out of figuring out how accurate such things work & relate to my everyday life, hehe. I'm a wuss that way, even if I really don't want to think about how the solar system can affect human life so intensely sometimes.
Sun Semisquare Uranus
You are restless and independent and, no matter how close you become to someone, you always remain your own person and there is a part of yourself you cannot share. You are uncompromisingly true to your convictions which must be shared by those close to you.
Mercury Semisquare Uranus
Brilliant and original as you are, you can also be difficult and unpredictable. Close ties may complain they never know when you are going to show up or what you're planning next. You are easily bored and love people who can both stimulate and surprise you.
Mercury Sesquiquadrate Ascendant
You relate to your world through your intellect but you may be so absorbed in your own ideas or projects that you don't always perceive when misunderstandings or cross-purposes place you at odds with others and set up unnecessary barriers to communication.
Venus Conjunct Uranus
You need to be close and you need to be free. This is a major life conflict which has always created complications for you in close personal relationships. One manifestation of this may be a tendency to pursue the unavailable or the unreliable.
Venus Square Ascendant
You are personally attractive with a natural charm which tends to draw people to you. Your native courtesy tends to make others assume that you share their values even when this isn't quite the case. You are unusually sensitive to others' appearance.
Uranus Conjunct Midheaven
It's never been possible for you to live according to anyone else's timetable. For that reason, you prefer to work for yourself and make your own rules. In order for you to sustain a close, personal tie, you must find someone as independent as you are.
Uranus Square Ascendant
You are an unusual person and are often perceived as "ahead of your time" in some way. Friendship is very important to you — especially in your love affairs. You don't like relationships which are overly defined or confining. You must feel free to love.
Neptune Sextile Ascendant
You have a gentle, romantic, dreamy quality and people often find you mysterious or elusive. You have an uncanny facility to communicate with people without speaking and to tune into their innermost thoughts. You connect best with those equally sensitive.
Moon does not aspect Mercury
It's as if the emotional and rational sides of your nature take turns expressing themselves. You are either utterly detached and objective about a situation or so emotionally involved you have no perspective. You are not in touch with your feelings.
I know I'll miss all the times spent on driving around (including getting lost & cranking up the volume while listening to our staple radio station), duelling in arcades to death, ordering personal servings good for two or more, losing sleep while letting the other catch up, guzzling green tea fraps more than twice a week, watching late-night Destructicon movies & small rock gigs, taking palpak pictures, & being on guard for surprise affectionate gestures (& looking pretty stupid to boot) by the time I'll get to sleep everything off sometime before the next Imbolc. I wonder how I'll fare out by then.
I think I should blame this year's supposed wonderful Midsummer gone haywire to the blasted sudden Venus retrograde, which fortunately ends TODAY. The weather doesn't look good, though, unless I'll be up for a storm later in the afternoon.
Anyway, it was nice of AJ of letting us kick back & chill out with bubblegum-flavored lambanog (haha) & rounds of gin rummy & poker for dimwits (like me) last weekend. I wanted to stay longer pero haaaaaaayyy. I'd look up Go Fish again, & this other card game I loved tripping on in high school.
Exercise your empathy. Be nurturing to others in a way that allows them to understand what it is all about.
The Queen of Cups in the Advice position encourages you to be generous, kind, and forgiving. Support the ability of others to get what they want. Nevertheless, remember as with anyone in a caretaking position, you have a fine line to walk. You do not want your loved ones or teammates to become complacent or dependent, as if they can take your support for granted with little or no consideration for your needs.
Cultivate an awareness of love as freely giving and receiving. In the process, help clarify the important difference between receiving energy and taking it. Do not allow your willingness to give be misunderstood or abused, as if it were a weakness.
GENERAL MEANING
Traditionally, representing the energy of a Queen, this card traditionally portrays a sensitive, vulnerable, omniscient woman who offers unconditional love. She is supremely empathic — sometimes to a fault. Her caring nature exposes her to everybody else's emotions and needs.
This person sometimes has difficulty identifying her own best interests in the midst of her responsiveness to others. As a result, she sometimes appears slightly unfocused or perhaps overwhelmed, filled as she is with "spirits". She represents the Grail Queen, as well as the Goddess of the Family.
By adjusting your next move to take the message of this card into consideration, you are more likely to achieve better results. Yet there are times when even the concept of "doing" is too much. Contemplate this card from the viewpoint of possible avenues for action, if any. Then just let yourself flow gently along those lines.
Although you may be feeling something deeply, your tendency is to analyze it away, thus minimizing its importance. Feelings are what they are. You don't need to do anything about them. But try to avoid the temptation to intellectualize your feelings or you will find the inner conflict developing a life of its own.
God, maybe I should stop thinking at this point. But the only way for me to do so is to SLEEP. Thing is, I'm too frazzled to sleep as much as I need to.
Try to seek freedom and new experiences today. This is an important time for you to spread your wings and explore. Keep in mind that emotionally, something or someone may be working to hold you back. An opposing force is promoting war while you insist on keeping things peaceful. Perhaps there is an important lesson you need to learn. Be more assertive in your actions and don't let people walk all over you.
I'll keep that in mind, thanks. I'm a sucker for horoscopes that way.
You may be feeling conflicted about attending a group event this evening that has been on your calendar for a while. Although the event seems appealing you may be carrying around worries about family issues that could hold you back from attending. You may, in fact, find it to be a bit dull after all; but you really should go. Staying in tonight would only make you depressed, so in the end it is better to attend.
TANGINA! EH SAAN NAMAN AKO PUPUNTA, ABER?! I'D RATHER BE ALONE & BORED THAN BORED WITH LOSERS, PLEASE.
You have a strong drive to stand out. You have a great ambition and desire to accomplish. You are highly competitive and want to be the best and the first in everything you do. You are highly energetic and creative. You are capable of influencing and even dominating others. You have highly developed political skills, and can succumb to manipulation unless your ideals are high.
Ironically, there are times when you lack confidence, especially at an earlier age, but you have the strength to overcome this obstacle.
You are a survivor, a warrior, a leader. Many great athletes and politicians have this number as a Hidden Passion.
Too many ones (6 or more in a name of average length), can make a person bullish, aggressive, violent, even tyrannical.
You are more comfortable than usual with feeling your way into the dark underworld of your own subconscious mind. It's not as scary now as it sometimes is for you. You can look at it as if you are going on a safari, but instead of trekking off into the jungle, you are journeying into the jumble of your own hidden worlds. There's much for you to learn and if you take the trip willingly, you will come back a better and more creative person.
True enough. I'm re-exploring my roots in LaVeyan Satanism, & I miss my favorite excerpts of the Black Bible. :(
The High Priest, in the Conscious Lesson position, suggests that you might need to learn how to express your creativity, communicate effectively, and focus your energy in order to be an agent of change. Learn to distinguish between those who can inspire, and those who will only drain your energies due to their own "wishful thinking", or "victimization" by passive Want.
While you are unique, you also need to remember that everyone has other, unique gifts and talents, and your goal may not best be served by trying to "do it all", for you can only do what you actively Will.
Learn to utilize the powers and energies at your disposal, but always remember the old adage... "Jack of all trades, master of none".
1. ...owned a restaurant, what kind of food would you serve?
American/Italian/French.
2. ...owned a small store, what kind of merchandise would you sell?
Maybe tarot stuff. :D
3. ...wrote a book, what genre would it be?
Along the lines of Erma Bombeck.
4. ...ran a school, what would you teach?.
English & Psychology.
5. ...recorded an album, what kind of music would be on it?
Definitely GRUNGE. But if you're expecting me to actually sing the stuff in it, it'll probably sound like Madder Rose or The Sundays. Hehe. Kapal. Now if I only had that nice, sweet voice to actually cover some of those bands' stuff.
Room 5 - Make Luv.mp3 (hooray for house music! :D)
2. What were the last two movies you saw?
Wishing Stairs & Love Actually.
3. What were the last three things you purchased?
The Da Vinci Code on paperback, blueberry cheesecake for Cres (who's back for a vacation with her daughter, after not seeing her IRL for about half a decade now, yay!), pear+apple-scented body scrub.
4. What four things do you need to do this weekend?
catch up on sleep, fix my room, get my hair + nails done, get tickets for the V Monologues due next weekend.
5. Who are the last five people you talked to?
Aside from my kid sister —
Alan, Kathz, Cresta & her hunny John Carl, Arlene.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Never mind if I don't end up with piña coladas or skimpy swimsuits on the shore. I'm going to catch vanilla skies while waiting for the sunrise (& then sundown) on nice fancy flipflops, ratty old clothes, & a weary soul — maybe with mango yogurt in hand to help me savor the beach.
I was sick last year, & now I'm at it again. What is it with me & flu come Valentine's Day?
But seriously, I'm happy. I love the nice, fresh, long-stemmed red & white roses I got this afternoon, but not as much as I love the person who actually took time out to send them over. Thank you. Aishiteru. I hope you're feeling better as well.
LIBRA (Sept. 24 - Oct. 23) It's difficult to pinpoint the truly significant planetary aspects for you today, which may mean that you're going through one of those times when your mood may change quite rapidly and when you must deal with all sorts of radically different events.
"Sword fighting is intimate. It involves control of breath and eye contact. You must know your competitor, how he breathes, what he's thinking. Sword fighting is person-to-person, based on human relationships and emotional spiritual expression. It is about the heart and soul."
--Sonny Chiba
& I'd definitely die to have Lucy Liu's sword, & everything else with cherry blossoms — ooh, LV Murakami? @#$%^&*!!! — galore! in my collection, hehe.
Maybe a garden, too, like what the House of Blue Leaves has someday, even sans the snow.
