hold me closer,
let me be...
hold me closer,
let me go away...



-- HOME --

wpeople are people

fidget and murmur
flown into the night
undoubtedly a girl
ct suicide
aruchi queen
call it pointless
in between panels
screwed up li'l angel
shoot me up, baby!
it takes two to tango
tambucho tales
mad cow
urban dreamer
bliss personified!
GX Superstar

This page is powered by Blogger. Why isn't yours?
wSaturday, October 02, 2004

Finally I got my mom to talk to me about my drastic + erratic time of the month woes. I'm sorry if I'm going to gross you out with this post, but I don't care. I'm hurting & restless & bleeding to death, & I don't know what to do with my life at this point. I have to see a fucking doctor for chrissakes soon, but now she's scared me (again) with details on how traumatic a visit to a gyne can very much be when you're "dalaga" pa & shit. I really have to get a checkup, though, even if I'm scared shitless. How on earth will I be able to function normally in school if I've got health issues like this? I keep telling her about my plight, but she didn't care before, saying it was just a phase & all I have to do is exercise like I used to again. Leche. Easy for us to say, when I'm depressed all the time. :/

But I'm glad it's my time of the month again & I got it on schedule, since I don't remember when was the last time I went through it. Maybe 2-3 months ago? I'm that screwed up. Usually stress aggravates things so I'd end up getting really delayed. No wonder I felt so mixed up & bloated last week. But aren't ovulating females supposed to look better than the usual? How come I looked like shit on my birthday?! (Oh, wait, I look like shit all year long!)

I think I'm halfway through my period, but I still feel sick. Before I realized I had it coming, a couple of days ago I felt so spent of my energy, even if all I did back then was wake up pretty early before sunup, eat after every 4 hours, then zonk out come sunset. What the hell. Now I can't even think straight, but at least I won another online scrabble bout, hehehe.

Pardon me for my inanity brought upon by a dire lack of iron & estrogen, but I just have to rant about this somehow. I hardly talk about my issues at all, especially offline. Sure, I hang out with girls more often than not now, but I can't actually bitch about what I'm going through. I was worse before, come to think of it. During my time when everybody was scrambling through puberty for dear life while I hated having to worry about bras & breakouts, I managed to play it cool like I didn't even suffer from it ever. I had it later in life compared to my peers & older sisters, so you can just imagine how panic-stricken I was having to renounce my old ways of living (climbing trees, playing street baseball & other "war games" with the boys, experimenting with so-called sandlots & biking nang walang pakundangan, among other crazy, wa poise antics) & keep myself sane through such awkwardness. Now that I know better, I'm more open to things. Heck, even queuing up in a busy convenience store for uhm, my stuff for such whacked-out times. Ugh.

I'm still a major prude, however. I'm not comfortable elaborating further shit about my uh, sexuality. HAHA. But I'm fairly OK with my being a girl na, & I guess that all that matters for now, even I still need to work on expressing my femininity all the more.

(MOTD) = Athenaeum - Comfort

posted by Andalusia at 10/02/2004 04:58:00 AM