I forgot where I swiped these lines from but oh, what the heck:
It's not uncommon for couples to have clashing political ideas. For most people, sharing the same political viewpoints is not a prerequisite for courtship.
Couples say that being on different sides of issues and supporting different candidates or what have you can add zest to a relationship.
Couples who lean in different political directions say the key to keeping politics from getting in the way is to know when to stop.
Politics are important, but not something to get upset about.
I don't give a shit about politics, but I used to be quite a bitch about religion. However, the guys I could argue about religion weren't my type, & the guys I liked were too busy with other shit & out of reach. I wanted sheer compatibility but I couldn't score it. The guys I thought who were in the same frequency as I am were unbearable in the end, & when I tried to lower my standards all I came up with were total shitheads. Just when I've completely given up on lively conversation (the only other free thing that sustained me aside from music & the beach) only then did I realize that the search was over. Ang masaklap nga lang, I don't have anything else anymore to offer — I've grown so boring & listless & ditzy, & I hate myself for it. But I'll never give up my penchance for tarot & pigging out & random movies — wag nyo na lang akong kausapin kung nabobobohan at/o nababato kayo, demyu.
I still know a couple of guys, though, online, whom I can have fun talking to without really my fumbling for things to say to keep the conversational ball rolling. It's so easy, actually — all they have to do is come up with their usual crazy witticisms tas tatawa na lang ako't come up with a good retort. Plus they don't flirt, which is sooo refreshing. Fuck sexual tension. It's the last thing I need. Is it so much to ask for CATCHY emo-intellectual dissipation? Or am I just too cerebral for my own good sometimes? (HAHA cerebral daw sabay ditzy din pala!) Fuck politics — nakakabaog lang mag-isip nun at nakakawalang-gana lalong mabuhay.
Nalulungkot din ako dahil wala akong makausap. I get bored so easily pa naman, which is very much a curse, methinks. Despite being surrounded by lots of people & a whole slew of other stuff to get frazzled with, I feel very much alone & unheard. Yeah, maybe even unheard of. Nakakatamad tuloy lumabas. Nakakaiyak. If you think this is so fucking easy for me, au contraire. You're very much mistaken. I'm sick of it — being alone, feeling empty, saying I can't go through this any longer. I'm tired of clashes, disagreements, diversity. Politics is very much upsetting, but my personal life is all the more heartbreaking, & it's supposed to be the most important thing to me in the world.
Speaking of politics, I was right about the war. It should never have happened. Bush should go drown himself in oil, & let Saddam fuck himself in Iraq.
As you may already know, I get giddy over the silliest of things, like my new Hello Kitty mobile phone wallpaper, rocky road brownies, crazy comic strips, freaky-like-hell-because-you-just-hit-the-jackpot readings, hefty discounts (yay, discount cards rule!), mushy reminders from across the miles, sans rival, black olives, colorful cocktail straws, durable (& funky) paper towels, this new roast beef pizza with a cream cheesy crust topped with extra mozzarella, & the hope that someday my simple yet ambitious plans with Zhy (as well as hers with Rissa & mine with ^_^) would come true 3-5 years from now. But nothing really can sustain my interest & need to live until 40. I'm also getting tired of picking up stray kittens down the street. It's not that I can save the world by fostering a few cats every now & then. I can't even save myself.
Naloka ako sa House of Flying Daggers kahapon. Kinulit ko pa nang todo si Sonny para samahan akong manood, tutal pauwi na rin kami. Tangina talagang palabas yun. Hanggang ngayon eh tinatanong ko pa rin sarili ko bat ba kelangan ko pang makita yun. Pero ang gwapo talaga ni Jin!!! :D AHAHAYYY!!! Kahit medyo sungki pala sya (as if ako dehins) & nagpagulong-gulong sya sa damuhan na parang tanga. Move over, Legolas, you're fucking gay! Medyo kahawig ni Jin yung kras ko dati since grade five pa lang ako na palagi kong sinusupladahan MAGPAHANGGANG NGAYON, susmaryosep — coincidentally they're half-Japanese. Hmm, bat ba sobrang attracted ako sa mga mukhang Hapon? Dahil ba partly ang heritage namin ay galing pa sa ancient China? Ay, anlabo. Parang yung dialogue namin ng Nihongo professor kong engineer na terror pero heartthrob (kaso tibo ata ang bruha) 3 years ago —
HER:You're quite proficient in English. (Palibhasa kse mga tangek yung mga kaklase ko sa language na yun tas elective ko lang ang subject na drinop ko rin.)
Are you Chinese?
ME: (bewildered; panics, flusters) No, Ma'm...
I'm a Mass Comm student!
SUSMIONG MAHABAGIN.
Anyway, there were several heartbreaking lines in the movie, but what stuck to me the most are the ff.:
Mei: You shouldn't have come back.
Jin: I came back... for you, my love.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA, pang-asar dba.
Pero eto pa:
Mei: I want to be like the wind just for once.
Come to think of it, she actually chose freedom over love. Ika nga ni Clementine ng Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind,
I'm just a fucked-up girl looking for her peace of mind.
Personally all I'm hoping for is peace of mind & stability but that would be utterly impossible at this point.
I wonder what I should choose. Basta alam ko ang gusto ko lang eh pumanaw na noon pa. Mas maigi ata yun. Death would be the ultimate catharsis. Siguro kaya ako matagal nang kinukulit ng bruhang to:
Oo, malapit nakong bumalik saten! Bumebwelo lang ako!!!
Buti pa tong pamangkin kong cute na cute wala pang problema.
Sakto, ayoko nang magkaanak, sya na lang! Tutal hairy este fairy godmother na rin ako ng loko. (Hi, Ati Cokie! :P) Yun nga lang, pag naisipan ko pang bumangon at huminga.
I always get this blasted card. What should I do? Get rid of all my plans of going back on track so I could do something more productive with my life? Can't I be like my old self anymore? Should I allow myself to "die" & immerse in the "Underworld" for what I have now?
Eh pagod na pagod na kong mag-isa.
Take time off before circumstances force you to. Subjugate your outer life to your inner life for awhile; focus your attention there for now.
The card in the Long-term Potential position points to unknowns still taking shape. It is the "wild card" yet to be played.
When the Four of Swords is in this position, you might find that circumstances seem to conspire to sidetrack you for a while. Give your health or the demands of your private life a chance to take priority over your outer persona and your visible role in the world. Agree to temporarily forget about your considerable accomplishments and any sense of worldly importance you may have developed.
Just disappear for awhile, then go deep within to revisit and resolve long-ignored core issues. This is not a setback. Those around you who have become accustomed to depending on you may be strengthened as well. You deserve time to not have to be responsive and responsible to others. When you are finished with this period of introspection, you will return to the world with much greater clarity, strengthened for growth and progress in the future.
I just had to delete the last post. My period's over & for the love of God, I don't want to think about babies & ovaries for now. Especially that my mom & dad's been teasing me that I'd have a cuter kid & they want to see their grandchild from me soon — as if that's going to be easy. I only have 2 words for you, folks: ASA. PA.
Hehe. @#$%!?^&*!!@#!
I feel a bit saner now, but not quite. Nge. Anyway, I saw Fahrenheit 9/11 last night & I want to see it again. :)
But what I'm really excited about is seeing The House of Flying Daggers (tangina, I loved Hero, remember?) & the movie adaptation of Stephen King's "Secret Window, Secret Garden" from the Four Past Midnight book (which is, sadly, my only favorite Stephen King work, haha, yikes). Not only that Johnny Depp stars as Mort Rainey, but after wishfully thinking since 1992 that them Four Past Midnight stories should be made into motion pictures soon (I didn't see The Langoliers, though!), you can just imagine my surprise. :D
& oh, yeah, I was into Alfred Hitchcock before. My dad had this vintage pocketbook with a green cover & old thin yellowing pages, ugh, & it was the only thing in his collection that I liked, aside from his Great Cases of Interpol from Reader's Digest, which I've been reading since the sixth grade. Other than that, I stuck to children's classics. I didn't even enjoy Greek mythology that much, but since I was so into constellations & shit, that led me to learning about that in grade four. I'm such a happy moron.
I went out drinking with Zhy & Rissa even if I'm trying to steer clear of alcohol, & I've no regrets! I'm actually stocking up on this fabulous drink for the holidays. :D Perfect for my favorite pig-out fare, tas ang swabe pa ng tama! Buti nakauwi pako samen, hehehe. Wa poise talaga. I'll always choose champagne & banana wine over Blouberg white, though. & I'll always like el cheapo close-knit get-togethers + street parties over fancy dinners & huge soirees, unless I get really bored. Speaking of which, I'm planning to throw a Christmas party at home this year — potluck would be nice!
This post is going nowhere. But let me take a moment to plug my interest in badminton. Any takers? 50 php per head, play all you want thing.
Finally I got my mom to talk to me about my drastic + erratic time of the month woes. I'm sorry if I'm going to gross you out with this post, but I don't care. I'm hurting & restless & bleeding to death, & I don't know what to do with my life at this point. I have to see a fucking doctor for chrissakes soon, but now she's scared me (again) with details on how traumatic a visit to a gyne can very much be when you're "dalaga" pa & shit. I really have to get a checkup, though, even if I'm scared shitless. How on earth will I be able to function normally in school if I've got health issues like this? I keep telling her about my plight, but she didn't care before, saying it was just a phase & all I have to do is exercise like I used to again. Leche. Easy for us to say, when I'm depressed all the time. :/
But I'm glad it's my time of the month again & I got it on schedule, since I don't remember when was the last time I went through it. Maybe 2-3 months ago? I'm that screwed up. Usually stress aggravates things so I'd end up getting really delayed. No wonder I felt so mixed up & bloated last week. But aren't ovulating females supposed to look better than the usual? How come I looked like shit on my birthday?! (Oh, wait, I look like shit all year long!)
I think I'm halfway through my period, but I still feel sick. Before I realized I had it coming, a couple of days ago I felt so spent of my energy, even if all I did back then was wake up pretty early before sunup, eat after every 4 hours, then zonk out come sunset. What the hell. Now I can't even think straight, but at least I won another online scrabble bout, hehehe.
Pardon me for my inanity brought upon by a dire lack of iron & estrogen, but I just have to rant about this somehow. I hardly talk about my issues at all, especially offline. Sure, I hang out with girls more often than not now, but I can't actually bitch about what I'm going through. I was worse before, come to think of it. During my time when everybody was scrambling through puberty for dear life while I hated having to worry about bras & breakouts, I managed to play it cool like I didn't even suffer from it ever. I had it later in life compared to my peers & older sisters, so you can just imagine how panic-stricken I was having to renounce my old ways of living (climbing trees, playing street baseball & other "war games" with the boys, experimenting with so-called sandlots & biking nang walang pakundangan, among other crazy, wa poise antics) & keep myself sane through such awkwardness. Now that I know better, I'm more open to things. Heck, even queuing up in a busy convenience store for uhm, my stuff for such whacked-out times. Ugh.
I'm still a major prude, however. I'm not comfortable elaborating further shit about my uh, sexuality. HAHA. But I'm fairly OK with my being a girl na, & I guess that all that matters for now, even I still need to work on expressing my femininity all the more.
