"We ourselves shall be loved for a while & forgotten. But the love will have been enough... There is a land of the living & a land of the dead, & the bridge is love, the only survival, the only meaning."
LIBRA: You may find yourself at some point today needing someone's help or advice. Don't be afraid to ask for it. You tend to be proud of your ingenuity and independence, and most of the time it's others who are reaching out to you. Realize that you do have the right to ask for help; it's not a betrayal of weakness. Knowing when to ask for help is a strength. Think about it.
Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."
OMG who would ever want to show me off when I always look like I've just rolled out of bed & gone homeless? Either he wants to feel superior about himself for finding someone dumb & nene enough to fall for him (but picky & commitment-phobic to begin with), or he simply has bad taste (maybe even bad eyesight :P)
Let's just say I'm pissed because Nigella Lawson was replaced by uptight Kylie Kwong complete with bad accent & blah lines. But despite her penchance for jasmine tea, too much sugar + sea salt, & stuff I won't be caught dead eating like baby octopi or soft-boiled eggs; I like the background music in the show, her clean & careful procedures of cutting up vegetables & spices, as well as her preference for white pepper (amen!) She also uses a lot of interesting stuff such as Chardonnay vinegar. It's just sad, though. The Surreal Gourmet's not as fun to watch anymore without my ForeverSummer fix. Though this week's episode is making me dizzy with excitement (& craving, as usual). If my family goes back to the province for the holidays, I'll push through with that long-overdue cookout with friends. Yum. But like what I keep telling Zhy & Rissa, the beach resorts there are more than enough reason for me to reconsider. But why on earth would I pass up the opportunity to enjoy yummy chow & zany company?
(Cross-posed shit. But I'm really serious about that cookout. How about it? I'm excited to bum around all afternoon after gorging on food to the point of coma! Just help me grill them kebabs & we're all set. House parties are awesome, aren't they?)
I hate the way I'd lose sleep over my jurassic issues. I don't get to snail-mail stuff on time, I wake up crabbier, & all these crazy ideas in my head brought upon by a whacked-up body clock are too much to take. Good thing there's The Mooney Suzuki to be entranced with. Hello, New York Girls.
Because I'm feeling super-bored & silly, I might as well rave about them little novelties I'm happy about — as in things I really don't need but are neat enough to indulge in & keep:
1) Apivita Propoline Pedi Care Relief Gel — really very good to slather on after a foot scrub &/or if you're suffering from killer commuter or dancer feet.
2) Lush Happy Hippy Shower Gel — I didn't realize my favorite Slammer & Back For Breakfast bottles were already phased out but this new formula isn't just some makeshift, but a fab new pick-me-up routine. Use it to prove it. Subtler than Slammer; more defined than BFB, I'm sure my other friends IRL will also like this for Christmas, even if they're fellow suckers for the Slammer/Karma vibe.
3) Starbucks Crème Brûlée Fraps — a better alternative, methinks, to Peppermint Mochas, ugh, & that means I'll probably score the limited edition '06 planner easier this time, hehe. I oughta hoard most of the postcards from this year's notebook for myself.
I'm so feeling this season's Mercury retrograde effects, & shopping (especially for prospective Yuletide presents) at this time is nuts (better take care of your spending money & other belongings, I swear!) but I think I'll come out unscathed. :) It's just sad to hear news of death from all around the metro, though, & I mourn with all of them. Then again, I've got a huge chance of actually enjoying myself amidst the fuss (screwed-up body clock included).
Stress-relieving yet at the same time adrenaline-pumping.
DAPAT GANYAN ANG OBSESSION! :P
Feeling gwapo ka kahit gerlalu pa ang drama mo in this stellar road rage. No walkthroughs or kaltas sa prize money mo pag nabangga ka to worry about, get to race at your own pace, build your dream car, & make sparks (even your wheels!) FLY as you'd shed concrete & go against the flow, ika nga. This was my last summer addiction, & thanks to my esse's Zhy & Rissa, I'm back on track with my killer pink & gold Dodge SRT4 with silver+black vinyls & hot pink decals+neon, a bronze 1995 McLaren F1 LM, an upgraded red Cuevito, & a shitload of other machines na napanalunan ko along the way. I have half a million $$$ stashed, starting from the last 1K after I made that McLaren purchase ($250K) YESTERDAY, pakshet. I keep seeing them freeways & zoning & shiftings to high gear even in my sleep. I'm on my way to bag that green Lamborghini Murcielago — but first I have to make my left thumb look & feel less sore.
I just have to blab how I've come across select parts of Paulo Coelho's The Pilgrimage which my older sister left here at home & kung kelan pa nabasa sa ulan saka ko lang binasa. This was the first entry that I chanced upon reading when I picked it up & opened it:
"Pity those who reduce the cosmos to an explanation, God to a magic potion, & humanity to beings with basic needs that must be satisfied, because they never hear the music of the spheres. But have even more pity on those who have blind faith, & who in their laboratories transform mercury into gold, & those who are surrounded by their books about the secrets of the TAROT & the power of pyramids. Neither of these kinds of people know thy law that says, 'Whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.'"
Wow, ahahaha, PUTANGINANG YAN. I'll post everything else under Personal Vices later. For now...
"But today you are going to confront a different type of enemy, an unreal enemy that may destroy you or may turn out to be your best friend: DEATH.
"Human beings are the only ones in nature who are aware that they will die. For that reason & only for that reason, I have profound respect for the human race, & I believe that its future is much going to be better than its present. Even knowing that their days are numbered & that everything will end when they least expect it, people make of their lives a battle that is worthy of a being with eternal life. What people regard as vanity — leaving great works, having children, acting in such a way as to prevent one's name from being forgotten — I regard as the highest expression of human dignity.
"Still being fragile creatures, humans always try to hide from themselves the certainty that they will die. They do not see that it is death itself that motivates them to do the best things in their lives. They are afraid to step into the dark, afraid of the unknown, & their only way of conquering that fear is to ignore the fact that their days are numbered. They do not see that with an awareness of death, they would be able to be even more daring, to go much further in their daily conquests, because then they would have nothing to lose — for death is inevitable.
"Death is our constant companion, & it is death that gives each person's life its true meaning. But in order to see the real face of death, we first have to know all of the anxieties & terrors that the simple mention of its name is able to evoke in any human being."
Oo nga, tama, let's die until we live.
If you think I was just going to accept the first excerpt easily without any countervalidation, here's something from the same book to justify my soothsaying trip:
"On the road of our lives, we always run into problems that are hard to solve — like, for example, passing through a waterfall without letting it make us fall. So you have to allow the Creative Imagination do its work. In your case, the waterfall was a life-&-death situation, & there wasn't time to consider its options; agape showed you the only way.
"But there are problems in our lives that require us to choose between one way or another. Everyday problems, like a business decision, the breakup of a relationship, a social obligation. Each of these small decisions we have to make, throughout our lives, might represent a choice between life & death. When you leave the house in the morning on your way to work, you might choose one means of transportation that will drop you off safe & sound or another that is going to crash & kill its passengers. This is a radical example of how a simple decision may affect us for the rest of our lives.
"The only way to make the right decision is to KNOW WHAT THE WRONG DECISION IS. You have to examine the other path, without fear & without being morbid, & then decide."
That, my folks, is what I think tarot reading is all about — just a guide, pretty much like those Choose Your Adventure books I was into in high school, only better, as it consists the elements of our own lives in the depicted story through the cards lain out at the moment. Our future isn't fixed or desperately fated — we have the power to change it, while taking our present conditions & past experiences into consideration. I may be able to time certain events or pinpoint suggested colors to watch out for or to wear, hehe, but I do not make my querents believe that whatever happens to them is out of their control, & they ought to beware of those who say that their fates are sealed. Karma does exist, yes, but we should be held responsible for our actions. & while the goddamn universe may not seem to conspire with events to give us our hearts' desire, we have to move on with our lives, not missing out on anything if ever possible. The trick is to go with the flow, not against it, so it is taught. Like what Cloud Strife declared in Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children, there is nothing that is not important. That's pretty relative, though, but it's up to you to figure that out — what is important or useless, anyway. For me, my soothsaying is staunchly vital to me, & nothing (& nobody) will ever stand in my way.
Hmm, kung ako kaya ang magpakamatay, sino ang sisisihin nyo?
I'm just so glad my birthday's over, & that it was awesome, even if we all had to live with a few flubs. Next stop: Halloween. *cringe* I also would like to remind you of Candy's first anniversary, just a few days before Christmas. I hope you guys can make it. Dito lang samen malapit tayo tambay after the mass. Thanks.
In case I pass out from too much booze, pasensya na ha. I know no other way to cope.
I was looking for my old college resume from a good 4 years ago & I couldn't find my last updated (pero crumpled-up) copy anywhere. Yes, I do leave stuff lying around literally all over the house. So much for disorganization. Anyway, I had to rummage through my old papeles & retrieved a lot of stuff (even the very shit I refuse to look back into). It was a rather heart-wrenching experience. If I managed to save all my papers even before we moved into this house 7 years ago (I used to live almost all my life in Sangley Point, remember?), the recollection would've been more intense. To think I was discussing on performing tarot shadow work soon, & that involves a lot of retracing one's past in order to heal. PUTANGINA. Where hath my old self gone? I was so immersed in my "work" (within my organizations) to the point of preaching managerial & organizational communication (courtesy of my father's 1984 World Executive Digest issues) even way before my PR proper subjects in my 3rd year in college. I was one of the most visible students in campus, & became the most influential when I won the Supreme Student Council presidency in 1998 (being the only junior to do so, therefore breaking the chain of senior students who were previously deemed to be solely qualified for the much-coveted position). PUTANGINA. Kahit wala akong boypren nun (di naman ako naghahanap) o hindi nakakakain at natutulog sa oras eh OK lang basta grumaduate lang sana akong cum laude. At kahit pipitsuging school lang ang pinanggalingan ko eh pinagmamalaki ko pa rin yun dahil napaka-supportive ng faculty & select administration sa mga kagagahan ko. All I wanted was to make everyfuckingbody proud of me, laluna ang aking mga magulang na kahit kelan walang naidulot na matino sa pag-aaral ko — pero they would've wanted me to proceed to LAW SCHOOL HA! Punyeta! & naglaho lang din nang parang bula ang lahat ng pinaghirapan ko. Di na nga ako nakakapanood ng TV gaano, di ako nakapag-RPG (except Final Fantasy VII yahoo!), at di na rin ako nakapagbasa ng Anne Rice o Chuck Palahniuk dahil puro handouts at textbooks ko ang hawak ko (pwede nang silaban ang kwarto ko sa damiiiii). I wasn't even able to claim my prize tickets to the premier showing of The Opposite of Sex dahil sa school. I miss my old life.
After all the fuss saka ko lang nakita ang punyemas na resume ko. Yung old copy. Non-revised, walang details. Maybe I should leave everything for the cover letter & interview per se. Wish me luck. Please, gusto ko namang mamuhay nang normal. Be a valid contribution to the betterment of mankind. Pero feeling ko, no matter what I do, I'm good as roadkill.
I love how last weekend's late night-early morning brainstorming helped in clarifying the relevance + congruency of Persephone (the High Priestess) & Demeter (the Empress) in my life. This time, Demeter makes so much more sense to me, & like her, I dread the coming winter months... how am I going to survive?
Hehe naks pampalubag-loob lang because I really feel & look horrendous lately even if I've had already a couple of massages (don't worry, they were dirt-cheap, so yeah, I love how my stretch marks are diminishing, wow, AHAHAHA) & steering clear of caffeine (except for them 3 glasses of Coke (anlabo ah) from the Cocoon's Nest opening party last night — do check out the shop near Hotel Tropicana courtesy of Lorna & her classmate Ina in UP-D who owns the place). Don't ask, but it's a classic case of wrong-timing experimentation. I hope Terramycin lives up to its claims!
WOW TANGINA OO NA MALAPIT NA BIRTHDAY KO! AHAHAHA. Celebrate or take a holiday! As long as your foundation is solid, and you are not committing to a relationship, position, partnership or change in role or status out of a sense of duty, or to satisfy others who have expectations for you, this card is one of the most positive in the deck. If you are contemplating marriage, children, a business deal, moving, or laying the groundwork for a great vision, go for it! By working as a team, you will prosper and reap the rewards of your past efforts. Let yourself be free from limitation and open to new possibilities. Be prepared to act spontaneously, expect to be thrilled, and claim your joy in living! Don’t try too hard to contain yourself, for this will be one of the highlights of your life. Be happy for yourself, but know that you will still have more potential to develop further, so try to see beyond the moment.
DON'T REMIND ME.
(MOTD) = Coheed & Cambria - A Favor House Atlantic
Sometimes I just wish I were dead instead, because I've really got nothing much left to look forward to. But maybe all I need is more sleep. I'll try downing Stresstabs tomorrow & see if it that shit really works. TANGINA I FEEL SO FUCKING TIRED. Even if I really don't wish for my own expiry, I can feel it happening anytime soon.
Name six songs that you are currently digging; it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words or even if they're any good but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Then tag six other people to see what they're listening to; as requested by (whoever tags you):
1. Peace Orchestra - Who Am I 2. Layo & Bushwacka! - Blind Tiger 3. Supreme Beings of Leisure - Under The Gun 4. Photek - Ren 2 5. 311 - Love Song
Talk about outdated. But I've always liked them.
Cross-posted, so I'm tagging everyone who's linked my blog to theirs. :P
Oh, & it's been 3 glorious years of tarot reading for me. \m/
Lately it also feels like an amazingly perfect time to be uh, in love.
"When you're searching your soul, when you're searching for pleasure, How often pain is all you find? But when you're coasting along & nobody's trying too hard, You can turn around & like where you are." --Harriet Wheeler
I know my mind keeps churning out mayhem in technicolor & stereo no matter what I do, but my last dream was the one of the best lucid yet lopsided shit ever. It involved fumbling through spellcasting on a stormy night with a pack of usually superficial turned horribly frightened girls & I forgot what we were up against in the first place. We swore to secrecy the next day but I know people were talking behind our backs (at least they were scared to mess me with me from then on, though, haha), yikes. Oh, what I would give to find out what all my stupid REM sequences could possibly mean for my peace of mind.
I've realized I'm still in so much shock since my younger sister passed away that I've been unconsciously dodging feelings of guilt & hurt & mourning, only to have them backfire devastatingly & haunt me ad nauseam. My dreams of her are more bizarre than ever, but I'm already seeing a pattern, & it kills me everytime I think about her. It's been more than a week since I've visited her grave & bedecked it with fresh flowers. I didn't even stay long then. I'm afraid this is going to be a long year. I terribly miss her & there's nothing I can do about it except whine. I can't even bring myself to cry it all out. I still feel so horribly numb, & I can't help but wish I died in her place.
I thought she could look after herself, being the maangas & palaban that we've known her to morph into, but why didn't she?!
& why wasn't I able to do anything about it??
Please pray for her eternal repose. She doesn't deserve damnation. She lived true to her ideals & inspired me drastically. She's always been there for me even if she never really felt I was rooting for her. Please pray for my sanity as well. I don't think I can hold on much longer.
(MOTD) = Nickelback - Too Bad / Seether - Fine Again
Yeah, I've grown to be pretty insecure during my most formative years, but I know I'm better than that because basically I really didn't care about how I looked like or what impression I was making as long as I was being myself & having the time of life. They said I was really pretty & smart around 20 years ago, but what mattered more to me was that I could play outdoors under the sweltering heat of the sun & exposed to the harsh elements then stay indoors & read/watch/EAT what I want. In other words, I didn't care about my skin (despite how fucking sensitive it is, up to this day), my hair, my weight, my clothes (as long as I was wearing skirts or shorts even if I'm climbing trees, I'd be all set), & my unruly, tomboy behavior. My mom, when I was 9, used to scream at me in front of the other girls I was friends with because she'd compare my legs, for example, to theirs. I always came home with a scraped knee or some other nasty wound because I fell off a tree or a bike. The worst was when I sprained my ankle in our measly yard when I was in sophomore high. She'd tell me to fix myself up & act more like my age & God-given gender. WHAT THE HELL. It's not that I picked fistfights or anything, did I? I wish I didn't listen to her at all. I should've gone on with my crazy antics. At least I wouldn't have been so serious & frustrated with myself, especially in high school.
Now, even if I'm hitting 30 soon, I still hardly care how I look like, as long as I don't stink or feel awkward in my clothes. Though the most painful part of adulthood requires people to comply to certain dress codes & standards of aesthetics, I guess it'll take more time for me to really "mature". Sure I can help select tasteful wardrobe (naks) for my girl friends & I took after my mom designing gowns on paper, but I really just don't feel like dressing myself. I wish I were like other plus-sized girls who are so sexily comfortable with themselves. But I guess that's the thing, I don't see myself as SEXY at all. For example, if I were to pick between Anna Williams of Tekken 3 or Ling Xiaoyu, well, I think you already the answer to that. Or between Kitty-N & Shorty of Bust-A-Move, I'd always go for cute little Shorty! PUTANGINA. I'M SUCH AN ISIP-BATANG TOMBOY. BWISET. Games & music & movies & food & friends & technology matter more to me than fashion & girly gossip & dating & makeup & other diva bullshit.
As for losing weight? Heaven help me. But it's mighty amusing to note that some people do find me fckn hot & fabulous WTF RIGHT? HAHAHAHAHA despite my flab & drab. Even if they're not man enough to *ack* admit it. Ooh. /me dies laughing in disbelief
Because of that, I adore all the more the only one who've been brave enough to do so around 3 years ago. *sigh*
(MOTD) = Bonnie Bailey - Ever After (Eric's Beach Mix)
No pretentions, no fuss, no hassles. With hours of engaging conversation, good music, & good food. A long drive would be awesome, too, as much as some time for stargazing. Kissing under the clear night sky is optional.
Spent the most of last week's with my high school best buddy Jean. (OK, so I have a couple of best friends back then, but Cresta is back in California now so what the heck.) Her 27th birthday's on April 9th, & I'm not sure if she'll make it to our supposed laidback high school reunion the weekend before that. She has to go with me! Please wish me luck that she does, hehe. :P
I'm glad to see my favorite people again at my pamisa for Candy yesterday: Zhy & Rissa (who'll be spending their first anniversary a day before Jean's birthday), Earl & his sweet girlfriend Laarni, & AJ (who was nice to drop off my kid brother Sonny then drive Jean & me to the Imus Cathedral after). I really appreciate them being there. I was hoping we all could grab a bite elsewhere after the mass to commemorate Candy's birthday a few days ago, instead of my lugging around sandwiches & drinks like the last time, but they all had to go so soon. Note to self: bring pameryenda at all costs & schedule another get-together next month, possibly on April 16. I'll have a couple more masses in May & June, tapos sa December na ulet. I hope this isn't so much of a bother, but I just really have to do this.
Jean & I saw Robots last Saturday night, & it was such a fun movie. You might think that it ripped off a lot of ideas from Monsters, Inc. & The Incredibles, but it's an entirely special movie in itself, & check out the moral lessons it's got to pleasantly share. :) Oh, & be on guard for Fender (voiced by the ever-zany Robin Williams) & Rodney's (total sweetheart Ewan McGregor) Wonderbot. We tried our best not to fall asleep while waiting for our favorite scene AGAIN, but we couldn't help it so we decided to head home & zonk out. I had a grand time napping while commuting, but Jean had to hold it off because of her delicate contacts. I forgot to buy chocolate cake & decided to try out Zhongnanhai some other time.
We had a quasi-high school reunion last night at Island Cove, courtesy of my classmates Loven & Rhose (who just flew back from Canada), Ohwen (from California), & Amaranthine (who was my childhood friend back in Sangley & had to move to Las Pinas in college; also our batch's mailing list moderator). We had oodles of videoke fun & I was so excited with the whole fuss that I didn't feel like eating much! Oh, wow. That's a big deal coming from me, especially if you know what I've gone through in high effin school! :P Anyway, I'm hoping the actual reunion would be better. Other people who showed up: Paulyn (our batch's salutatorian), Anne (first honorable mention), Gayle (who owns a coffee shop now & whose family's Chinese resto was a classic for years), & Isai (a pretty, bubbly character; one of the first few people I've befriended during our freshman days). I read cards for Thine at the reception area & as promised, she gave me scented candles in exchange for my 'services'. Hooray for green tea-smelling lights! I should've taken pictures, but I guess I'll wait for Ohwen & Rhose's uploaded snapshots. :)
My social drunkard ways & days have been reduced to these, & I swear I can't even finish a measly bottle. The last time I got Zhy & Rissa to try out vodka mudshake with me (with the wrong choice of pulutan unfortunately), I had to make them drink up the rest of my ration.
I've found my new placebo, though — with keywords like MAGIC. ERISTOFF. FOREST FRUIT. SPRITE. ICE. CHILL. BLUE. GREEN. YUMMY. CALMING. OHGODOHGOD (haha!). BAH. I just wish there was any other information about it so I could show it off. It goes way up high my list of much-wanted-but-fckn-hard-to-find indulgences.
The most interesting bands for me so far are 3 Colours Red, My Vitriol, Coheed & Cambria (no wonder some of the kids I used to hang out with online were crazy about them!), Dishwalla (they surely have more offer than Counting Blue Cars), & yep, even uh, Swing Out Sister (I didn't realize I grew up with their stuff big time — my favorite being Forever Blue & their "LA is a great big freeway :P" rendition. No shit. & I hope to discover more great lounge tracks, while I'd dare myself to try out New Age (read: spa-worthy) music.
Overheard a lot of rather funny things last night but I might as well forget about those. I'd rather ponder on my bleak, rocky future.
"Why does being patient have to take so long?" quipped one frustrated soul. Could it have been you? Waiting has never been your strong suit, there's no question about it. You will get through today best if you concentrate on finding an outlet for your pent-up frustration. A visit to the gym, or a vigorous cleaning of the house, would help.
Haha. No way. I'm too hyper to clean my room this week. I'd rather go places & make myself sick with all the things I've to subject myself to. I got a lot of freebies from the mall today, though — loot from The Body Shop: some bath/shower cream, vert de bamboo oil (will be phased out soon here; been using this shit for years), & refreshing eye gel mask, foot socks, Stephen King's On Writing, a Scrabble board, a tiny 'Violent Mood Swings' badge (hehe), & an I-Ching book.
True enough, Librans are almost always fashionably late because we're fickle like that, that we look nice in greens & pinks, & the ideal Libran office is "likely to be beautiful, with fresh-cut flowers and a seating arrangement that places all guests on equal footing" (while my room's a complete disaster). We can be too extravagant & cordial for comfort, & indecisive even with food, thus ending up with crazy combinations. We strive for peace & harmony as much as possible, & we could use some good R&R to recharge. & I don't get the point of this post, actually. I just want to feel better. But sometimes Life is just so frustrating, & I wonder if I was meant to be born someplace & as someone else. It's crazy to think about it, but could I really be a prima donna in denial?
I know I'm spending too much time reading other people's blogs & frequenting my sister's grave that I hardly have time for myself anymore. I've also had it with waxing philosophical that doesn't do anything really for me except prove that yes, I may be 'enlightened' (according to Reiki, haha) & even if I am, the world is more fucked up than you think & that just musing about it can actually kill you. I think I've driven a lot of people insane already with my shit. But what else can I do? I'm on the verge of leaving everything behind as my life is as usual crumbling down on me. I can't deal with everyone else 24/7, you know. & the last thing I need is having to worry about my family or my measly belongings. However, the need for peace of mind & stability to save myself as well as everyfuckingthing else is more prevalent than the urge to self-destruct. So I guess that still makes me sane after all? Or am I drowning nonetheless in the same vortex of craziness that's been devouring the world alive for ages?
Forgive me for being so stupid & self-absorbed today.
Today may be charged with unexpected emotional tension for you that might be very difficult to handle. Your first reaction to a stressful situation may be to keep the lid on a raging pot for fear of getting burnt. Your goal may be to maintain a peaceful air and polite attitude by avoiding confrontation and hurt feelings. Realize, however, that you are doing more damage to yourself by holding it in than letting it out.
Candy's 40 days are up today. Please pray for her. I've yet to request for prayers today in 3 churches by 6pm. I hope to see friends later as well as nice, fresh flowers on sale.
I'm really grateful to everyone who's been helping me out lately with my issues. I hope more blessings come my & my family's way, & may all those find their way back to my & my kid sister's friends. :) *hugs*
I got a mass card this afternoon as promised, & the offered novenas entailed in Boni Ave., Mandaluyong will run until the 26th. :) Then more roses will be delivered on Friday. :* I'll be expecting more scented candles to light next week as well once my other older sister gets back, yay! & I hope this language instruction set is included in the 20%-off promo so I can avail of it next week, then all I'll be worrying about is securing my passport & driver's license for my much-awaited vacay. :D
The house is getting revamped despite everything so we can have it blessed once more at the end of the month. I'll plan another mass to be held on Candy's grave & get more of her friends together. I also got numbers of a few key people who'd be more than willing to help me sort Candy's case out & with my mass communications studies. If I get any luckier than this, I'll request for prayers from a couple of churches with rather pretty-sounding names along Tagaytay then savor a nice meal somewhere cozy. :)
So am I feeling really better? Quite. Even if I'd end up tormented by damning things come bedtime. It's been a month since she's gone, after all. :(
I'm really setting my hopes up high on my wishes to be able to travel to Europe! If I don't make it this year (oh, please, say it ain't so!), my mom promised me that after graduation she'll provide for my TOUR there, so I can apply in UNO. OMG. Can this be true? Perhaps my auld lang syne dreams of taking up culinary arts, photography, & oil painting will be realized sooner than I thought? Oh, my, yay yay yay, please, oh please, WISH ME fuKkn LUCK! I'll send lots of postcards & trinkets & bottles of my favorite banana wine, hehe. Let's just hope that EuroDisney doesn't completely go out of business yet by then.
For the girl who'd rather read books or blogs about European life & culture than pack her bags to her favorite cities (London, Paris, Milan, Geneva, Athens — & hopefully in ICELAND's capital!) given the chance, this is surprising, no?
I wonder if Vienna will be on my list, too. *le sigh*
Hay nako, eto na naman ang lukaret. Laging nagpaparamdam. Pero sabi ni Candy (kid sis ko) I'm actually more like Death, Despair, & Delirium (what a cute character! ^_^) combined, hehehe. I wasn't expecting to get HER at all.
Siguro kung ganyan lang ako kaganda marami na kong chicks! :P
Death, the second of The Endless, you are responsible for ending all lives and taking them to your realm, from which no one ever returns. You are bright, positive, happy, optimistic and enjoy everything about life, but that does not mean you're silly or stupid. You can lay the smack down when you have to! Everyone loves you, and they don't know why.
Although you are being drawn into a variety of activities, it might be a good idea to let the world fly by without too much of your participation now. Getting together with your friends today may help you feel good about yourself, but this can distract you from what you should be doing. Put things in order so that you will be ready to reap the rewards of these past weeks.
If anyone's up for an afternoon mass + eulogy et al for my kid sister, please proceed to Love Memorial Park this coming Sunday, around 4pm. Thanks.
Wala nakong ginawa kundi kumain at matulog at mag-alala about flowers, scents, PSYCHIC WARFARE, & a grand eulogy. Dalawang beses nakong nakakatulog sa last full show ng mga pinapanuod namin na Metro Manila Film Fest features. Di ko nga malaman kung ganun lang talaga ako nakornihan sa mga palabas or na-upset nang todo na naman ang body clock ko. Inaasam ko pa rin sa kabila ng lahat na magkaroon ng wireless headset at digital pen para sa selpown atsaka black messenger bag, pati Nike yoga mat at picnic basket para sa bago kong tambayan/altar na kelangang bakuranan ko palagi ng bulaklak at kandila. Nakakalungkot lang din isipin na ang mga kantang uber-mainstream na Tell Me, Hard To Say I'm Sorry, The Reason, Sway, I Miss You (& Me), at Paglisan ay may mas makapagbagbag-damdaming kahulugan na para saken to the point na mapapahagulgol na lang ako sa dyip o bus o mall, the way Adia will always break my heart everytime I'd hear — & SING — it, na minsang kinanta namin ng pinakabata kong kapatid na babae sometime last summer. Nakakabanas ding ma-realize na wala nakong mapaglalaanan ng mga coffee table books about art, architecture, atbp at makakasamang kakanta ng mga Ayumi Hamasaki et al songs sa Red Box o magtitrip sa Ayala Museum, Lumiere, Little Tokyo, Rockwell, at Eastwood kahit walang mga pera, hehehe. PUNYETA. Di ko na alam anong gagawin ko. Tinatanong ako ng halos lahat kung ano nang plano ko with my life — ETO PA RIN ANG ISASAGOT KO: WALA. Why do more promising people have to end their lives while yung mga walang silbe't paninidiga't kamuwang-muwang at kapaki-pakialam ay nananatiling maghasik ng lagim na parang mga ipis na naglipana sa slum area? Hayyy buhayyy, NAKAKABAGOT nga naman talaga.
