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wFriday, August 31, 2001




"Never face facts; if you do you'll never get up in the morning." --Marlo Thomas

"Word of the Day!"
Torpor (n.) sluggish activity; lethargic indifference; apathy

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage – to move in the opposite direction."
---E. F. Schumacher




posted by Andalusia at 8/31/2001 06:27:00 AM


w


(MOTD) = 3 Doors Down - Loser

Out of sight, out of mind. That's what happened ever since the last time I got to talk to HIM. I'm glad I've been off his case after that, & the deluge of other preoccupations made it oh-so easier. Finally I'm free of all binding pathetic emotions - I'm back to square one, floating haplessly & haphazardly along the waves of Fate. I've grown terribly passive & hollow over the weeks.

Then here he comes back barging in the scene. I treat him casually, dishing out rather detailed stories on how's it been ever since we've talked & sufficient replies to his queries. It's the least I can do - after all, I didn't make the first move this time to say hello. I'm a bit hyper tonight, too; getting a real kick out of Rush Hour 2 & iced coffee. He manages to discourse with me for an hour or so, with the little breaks he manages to squeeze in between chats. I pity him at the same time applaud him for his superb effort of being disgustingly yet smoothly hypocritical... I saw it coming, anyway. I guess all user-friendly jerks are like that. I can't be totally that much of an asskisser, though. It's hard faking it, even if I'm in dire need of help from anyone I just can't stand but need to suck up to. Funny how today's "session" turns out to be our best conversation this time around, post-partnership era. It was crappy though, when he again had to blow my bubble after I got carried away blabbering bullshit (blame it on Chris Tucker, Eddie Murphy in Shrek, my upcoming birthday, & caffeine for dinner). Maybe he's now thinking, 'damn, Abbee never learns, does she? What a loser.' Well, look who's talking. What a jackass. I wouldn't resort to strategies like his - unless it ain't a mere ploy at all. Maybe there's some sincerity to it all along, & I'm just being stuck-up paranoid. I may help him out despite everything, but then again, this matter needs more discernment than ever. He's got a long way to prove himself nowadays... bah, the hell do I care?! I've got no time for scumbags like him anymore. He wasted everything I had & that was for him. Tsk. I'm moving on now. And I VERY MUCH mean it. But I'll take his word for this: I better move out of this hellhole fast, if I still want to make my dreams of pursuing photography, culinary arts, oil painting, & putting up a Japanese-style home come true.

Too bad things didn't have to work out the way they should've been. I'm not regretting, though. It's OK. That's how Life is basically, crazy & screwed-up & all that.

To HIM: Y'know wut, I'm just being nice. Don't think of me being too eager to gain your attention & affection again. Remember, you started it. And y'know me - I try to be as plucky & vibrant as I can, especially when I'm reeeeeeeaaaaaaally manic & up for it, especially when it comes to confronting you. As a civil human being, I can only wish you luck now in your endeavors. Sorry if I come on too strong whenever you chance on running into me. It just so happens that I'm extra perky everytime you do. So, there. So long. `Nuff sed.


posted by Andalusia at 8/31/2001 04:57:00 AM


wThursday, August 30, 2001


(MOTD) = Gorillaz - Tomorrow Comes Today

I wish this would happen to me, too. But as of the moment I'm too burned out for guys, & I'm pickier with girls. I dunno what I am, really... (don't take this seriously... I'll regret saying this by the time I'd get to read this again as I wake up later.) I guess I'm just too "neutral" all over again, so to speak. I need a break. 1999's horror is happening all over again, most probably, with the dreadful gloomy days brought upon by the wretched downpours... & my (re)growing lack of zest for school. I hope I don't get to end up as screwed up as the last time.

I've been wondering... I'm growing uglier & sloppier every single fuckin' day & I don't care that much at all anymore. What happened to my plans of working it all out by September to look utterly fab by January, for the tonloads of pictures I'll be taking before I'd get to FINALLY get over with school? I hate myself. These anxieties are getting the best of me & I hate it. I really need to cover everything up before Saturday. NEED, NEED, NEED! REALLY-REALLY-REALLY! Crap. /me bonks herself

There's so much write-ups to work on... I have to figure out how to come up with a two-paged report on how the film editing on "Bless The Child" was done. I've seen the movie half a dozen times now, & all that sticks to my head is how the close-ups, lighting, & the musical score was timed to make the scenes all "spooky" & "thrilling". I just love stuff like this. Best occultic flick ever yet, methinks. *rolls eyes* Could there be some truth to this kinda stuff at all? /me shivers *cough*

Other topics I'll be working on are: the websites I've chosen to feature for the school paper, a review of GoRillaZ, my editorial column (on growing up, being real & standing up for oneself), & maybe a review on Shrek (a totally splendidly hilariously fun movieeeeeee!) & BJsD. Whatever. I have to start writing by lunchtime... & come up with other ditties for Drained. kaistah promised me it'll be up as soon as our host gets back from San Ramon, I think.

Maybe I should really focus on my writing, & see where it gets me soon. After all, this is the one thing I'm pretty natural with.

As for today's MOTD, I've seen its video - pretty slick psychedelic piece of shyt, heh.


posted by Andalusia at 8/30/2001 08:18:00 AM


wWednesday, August 29, 2001


I think I have to call in sick today, but today's the big day for me to deliver my report. I better make it so by Friday I can take my overdue prelim exam & move on with my life slowly yet surely to midterm world. Exams are slated on the 6th, as far as I know, & I have to settle things with my other subjects, like film class, OCS, Japanese, radio production, PR, & computer competency by this week. Dear Lord, help me out. After the seemingly long weekend break brought upon by the St. Augustine Feast Day celebration in school, I feel actually much better. However, "regular programming"'s at it again. I have to face the gang later & make sure they're not harboring anything ill against me hehe. And yet I dun think I can make it.

Spent almost the whole day yesterday snoozin' my brains out, as well as feasting on butter & cheese popcorn & fries. The damn PC drives had to be defragged, but I didn't mind anyway. After all, last night I was completely bushed.

Damn, it's raining all over the place again. But I like the drizzle. I wish it'd be this way til my class ends at 6pm. I wish I had friends to keep me company. Maybe I'll go watch Bridget Jones' Diary later. Or tomorrow. Dunno. (Man, I'm losing it again.)

Jeepers, now the sun's up once more. Talk about fickle-minded.

(MOTD) = Tori Amos - Caught A Lite Sneeze


posted by Andalusia at 8/29/2001 07:19:00 AM


wMonday, August 27, 2001


Oh, before anything else... I miss HER. I really do.

posted by Andalusia at 8/27/2001 05:50:00 AM


w


I slept the whole day away... damn chilly weather making me curl up & die in slumber. Then I died in Archmage... (fuck you, gokou!!!) just when I was about to finish completing researching Armageddon & be a full-fledged mage. SHYT.

There's something about last night's Futurama episode & rerun of Broken Arrow on local TV - they both eerily say how weird it is that something trivial can be both such a nuisance & an invaluable find, with not much regards to the saying, "One man's junk is another man's treasure". Leela's "Nibbler" is this seemingly harmless little animal saved from a soon-corroding planet, which turns out to be a pesky voracious carnivore that eats up all of the other fauna species Leela's team was supposed to bring with them aboard the ship - & also turns out to be excreting "Dark Material", highly-prized starship fuel. Creepy li'l critter, if you ask me. Christian Slater, on the other hand, gets to team up with Samantha Mathis to retrieve 4 nuclear weapons from a greedy, mutineering John Travolta & cohorts... just as what he's supposed to do, to save Utah & uphold what he has learned in the military. Nuclear warheads getting in the wrong hands isn't exactly such a great idea.

I'll discuss more of them later. For now, I have to start cooking stewed chicken with pineapple, abalone mushrooms & cream for later's lunch. Gotta head off to school in a few hours.

(MOTD) = The Super Jesus - Now and Then


posted by Andalusia at 8/27/2001 01:48:00 AM


wSunday, August 26, 2001


PRE-BIRTHDAY JITTERS AND OVERALL LOW PRESSURE AREA ANXIETY

(MOTD) = Psychotica - Ice Planet Hell

I tried to catch up on sleep & the rain made it totally comfy for me to hibernate for the rest of the week. However, it got too damn cold for me to be really mobile & productive - READ: sane - so it turned out to be a pretty damn soggy weekend for me.

I got to finish my due-last-week [READ: again, overdue] report in Org Comm last Wednesday, though - & I'm slated to deliver it along with my prepared damned case analysis on the same day this week. So far, so good. I now have to clean up my act before the midterm exams... after all, I still have pending prelim grades on some subjects, like OCS & FL. (Sheesh, I dun sound so worried with my other majors, duncha think?)

Too bad I couldn't make it to the choir fest last Friday. Well, I know I'm not really of loss there, so what the heck. Blame it on the rain once more. At least I gained newfound friends amidst the ruckus, & the kids were able to perform well despite the uberhectic schedule. /me sighs in relief

As of now, I'm losing sleep over worrying what to do for my birthday next month & where could've my trusty techpen gone to. I really need to come up with something... especially after vowing to myself that such an occasion will be the onset for my ongoing, steady albeit wobbly quest for change. It's hard racking my brains on how come I have yet a long way to go to reach "success" & "independence" at the age of 25. I've now adjusted my time frame until when I'm 30... & hopefully, by that time, I can live my own life in a Japanese art-inspired home writing reeeeeaaaaaaally worthwhile stuff, or venturing out oil-painting & photography. Tough luck. Who cares about being lonely - when I have M-O-N-E-Y?! Hopefully by that time, too, I'm stable enough to really come up with my own moolah.

Speaking of "dough" - I gotta have ample of that stuff. I'm thinking of serving carbonara for the gang, plus my favorite drinks for them to try out. Forget about staple punch - I'm introducing SubZer0, Mule, & fruit-flavored water to be occasional fare at simple, closed-knit, yet rather mundane gatherings. I'm cutting down beer to a minimum. After all, the guzzles I'm preparing aren't low-down cheap to procure! If they can't do with water, they'll have to stick to peach iced tea or Hawaiian Punch in cans. (mmm mmm!) Then there's the cake to worry about, plus the potato chips for us to dig in while either watching Final Fantasy or whatever else they can bring to see on VCD. I'm going to make this party spe-cial, yesiree. I even have my "party list" ready for the big day... (uhm, it's just a lousy mp3 playlist for the kids to dig) *sigh* I hope to pull this off nicely soon. I need a break. I guess it's time. If you have other bash suggestions, feel free to tell me all about it. In case you know any more ways to keep in touch with me, please do so. By all means.

Anyway, I'm thinking of kicking things off on the last Saturday next month. I've always had more fun on the succeeding days rather than on the day itself.

Fuck, I hope it doesn't rain again by then, though.


posted by Andalusia at 8/26/2001 04:00:00 AM


wMonday, August 20, 2001


(MOTD) = Splender - I Think God Can Explain

Stuffed myself up a few hours ago... am still feeling full from the pig-out. Got pepped up - after 48 hours of bullshit sluggishness - thanks to this ooh-la-la delectable seafood chowder at Josephine's... which isn't such a far drive away from our place. Had 2 botts of Mule after, plus more grub. Maybe I should be thankful for another family night-out. However...

I still have a report to work on for later's class... damn school life. With my recurring backsliding to the "other side", it's getting harder for me to concentrate on my work. Anyways, I hope to hear from HER tomorrow.

posted by Andalusia at 8/20/2001 04:25:00 AM


wSunday, August 12, 2001


(MOTD) = Gorillaz - Starshine

I promised to the gang yesterday while we were playing Icebreaker I'd make it on time to school from then on. I think I really should keep my word. My whole academic career for this sem & year depends largely on it. Besides, there's so much work to do - like the chorale formation, managing ed biz, make-up tests, & dang, my pending Org Comm report with Hydz - starting tomorrow first thing in the morning.

Another funny thing happened to me last night: watching a rerun of Addicted to Love & the making of Bridget Jones' Diary made my life somewhat flash kaleidoscopically before my eyes. It sure was real crappy being sappy, after a heavily emotionally-taxing month or so with adjusting to my new school life, but it sure paid off. I'm beginning to get a grip on myself more now.

Sleep is one damn good luxury I just can't afford lately. Being broke is one thing... getting high-strung due to lack of a good snooze is another. I think I'll hang on to them sweetly soothing kretek sticks for a li'l while longer.

If there's one thing I can't stand - it's not getting things done my way, or not acquiring the stuff on time I so desperately just got to have right then & there. Fuck Fate.
I need my old cp back. Quick.

Speaking of cp's... I just love my 426's new case & keypad. But I'll get something else better soon. After all, the new black housing ain't really mine to begin with. My real nice kid bro loaned it to me after he got this wicked purple-&-powder blue cover, which his unit's nasty blue backlight highlights [and I mean HIGH LIGHT!] swankily.
/me drools...


posted by Andalusia at 8/12/2001 09:55:00 PM


wFriday, August 10, 2001


I think I feel a little bit so much better now... *snicker* (notice anything wrong?)

(MOTD) = Radiohead - Bullet-Proof... Wish I was



posted by Andalusia at 8/10/2001 03:16:00 AM


wWednesday, August 08, 2001


Got a shot of last weekend's affair. I gave a scanned copy of it to like, around 5 people now. They all think I look "pretty" (ack!) there. Should I take their lies, errr, word for it?


posted by Andalusia at 8/08/2001 05:14:00 PM


wTuesday, August 07, 2001


(MOTD) = Sugar - Helpless

This weather's killing me. Good thing I've got Lynne & Candy back in my room now. Dammit, I'm tired stuffing myself up with junk grub, too - & eating dinner during mornings then sleeping it all off til lunchtime, til I'm too late to go to class in the afternoon.

*SIGHHHHHHH* I need a break. I'm too broke for anything else now... too tired to study for my overdue exams. Then I just couldn't play Archmage when I'm totally raring to do so. Maybe I should go ahead & die today.



posted by Andalusia at 8/07/2001 01:47:00 PM


wMonday, August 06, 2001




Hold on
Think I've had too much coffee
I'm manic as hell
But I'm goin' strong
Left my meds on the sink again
My head will be racing by lunchtime


Dammit, these lines r0ck. I think I know how this fuckin' feelsssssssss like!!!



posted by Andalusia at 8/06/2001 06:29:00 AM


w


At last, the whole Gala Night - acquaintance party is over! I actually had a bit of fun the last time... but I just can't take it that until the very last minute my mom had to screw up the affair! ARGH! ARGH! ARGH!

I'll try to post pictures here... if ever. Oh, well.

posted by Andalusia at 8/06/2001 05:23:00 AM


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