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wFriday, August 31, 2001

(MOTD) = 3 Doors Down - Loser

Out of sight, out of mind. That's what happened ever since the last time I got to talk to HIM. I'm glad I've been off his case after that, & the deluge of other preoccupations made it oh-so easier. Finally I'm free of all binding pathetic emotions - I'm back to square one, floating haplessly & haphazardly along the waves of Fate. I've grown terribly passive & hollow over the weeks.

Then here he comes back barging in the scene. I treat him casually, dishing out rather detailed stories on how's it been ever since we've talked & sufficient replies to his queries. It's the least I can do - after all, I didn't make the first move this time to say hello. I'm a bit hyper tonight, too; getting a real kick out of Rush Hour 2 & iced coffee. He manages to discourse with me for an hour or so, with the little breaks he manages to squeeze in between chats. I pity him at the same time applaud him for his superb effort of being disgustingly yet smoothly hypocritical... I saw it coming, anyway. I guess all user-friendly jerks are like that. I can't be totally that much of an asskisser, though. It's hard faking it, even if I'm in dire need of help from anyone I just can't stand but need to suck up to. Funny how today's "session" turns out to be our best conversation this time around, post-partnership era. It was crappy though, when he again had to blow my bubble after I got carried away blabbering bullshit (blame it on Chris Tucker, Eddie Murphy in Shrek, my upcoming birthday, & caffeine for dinner). Maybe he's now thinking, 'damn, Abbee never learns, does she? What a loser.' Well, look who's talking. What a jackass. I wouldn't resort to strategies like his - unless it ain't a mere ploy at all. Maybe there's some sincerity to it all along, & I'm just being stuck-up paranoid. I may help him out despite everything, but then again, this matter needs more discernment than ever. He's got a long way to prove himself nowadays... bah, the hell do I care?! I've got no time for scumbags like him anymore. He wasted everything I had & that was for him. Tsk. I'm moving on now. And I VERY MUCH mean it. But I'll take his word for this: I better move out of this hellhole fast, if I still want to make my dreams of pursuing photography, culinary arts, oil painting, & putting up a Japanese-style home come true.

Too bad things didn't have to work out the way they should've been. I'm not regretting, though. It's OK. That's how Life is basically, crazy & screwed-up & all that.

To HIM: Y'know wut, I'm just being nice. Don't think of me being too eager to gain your attention & affection again. Remember, you started it. And y'know me - I try to be as plucky & vibrant as I can, especially when I'm reeeeeeeaaaaaaally manic & up for it, especially when it comes to confronting you. As a civil human being, I can only wish you luck now in your endeavors. Sorry if I come on too strong whenever you chance on running into me. It just so happens that I'm extra perky everytime you do. So, there. So long. `Nuff sed.

posted by Andalusia at 8/31/2001 04:57:00 AM