Snapped at some prissy airheads, stood up some friends, ate myself into a coma, focused on reading - trying not to fall asleep while at it, re-read old e-mail, stayed up late, racked my brains for winning quips, downloaded more mp3's, watched movie reruns, & got mildly sick all over again.
Not to mention hanging out with my best bud IRL, keeping in touch with high school friends, tripping drastically such as getting my nails effin' painted sunset pink, & having my mood swings vascillate from downcast to giddy then dropping down back close to insanity; thus, relentless suicide.
•shdwbxr• it's over now
•shdwbxr• i'm cold, alone
•shdwbxr• i'm just a person on my own
•shdwbxr• nothing means a thing to me
•shdwbxr• oh, nothing means a thing to me
•shdwbxr• (the deeper the thoughts there's no more pain)
•shdwbxr• free me
•shdwbxr• leave me
•shdwbxr• watch the ends i'm going down
•shdwbxr• free meeeee
•shdwbxr• see me
•shdwbxr• look at me i'm falling... and i'm falliiiiiiing...
I used to whine like this... letting self-pity & despair corrode myself from the very within.
I'm beginning to snap out of this, though. I may be desolate, alright, but I'm feeling better.
I still can't deny the fact that I am intensely upset over many things of my immediate concern, however...
Saturday night was a blast... my kid sis & I made it to the last full show of Lord of the Rings!! We had pizza & pasta first before getting tickets, then stuffed our faces with buttered popcorn & potato chips when we got inside. The movie was just splendid! I wonder why some people didn't get to appreciate it - with its stunning cinematography, editing + special effects, musical score, not to mention its riveting plot! It was just fantastic... my kid sis & I were squealing after every suspenseful take. Never reacted like that ever since Jurassic Park: The Lost World. Must be because of too much chick flicks, hehe. Funny, all ever I did watch for the past year were comical stuff. Laughed, fell in love, cried, sighed, but definitely not squealed in fright. We were hanging on for more; didn't even realize we've been sitting there for 3 hours. What I loved best about the film was that it made me think about Life all over again - saw myself in Frodo somehow, when he kept grumbling about having to keep the ring, even after he already assumed responsibility for it. There were so many scenes that seemed like allusions to relationships with family, friends, & society, as well with oneself, how one for instance, can handle temptations & defeat. Stellar. Just awesome. What a way to start the new year.
I think I'd want a ring just like that in the movie for Christmas - complete with markings & magical mystery, hehe.
Heard about great reviews of all the books per se around October, but didn't really pay much attention. I thought I've had enough of fanciful lore... with too much involvement in the Final Fantasy, Diablo, & Archmage frenzy, I guess that was explainable. Checking out stuff alone isn't that fun anymore anyway. Wish I got to borrow the first book when I had the chance, though. Nevertheless, I'm all OK with it. I'm getting my own copies soon.
What I hated about watching the darn film was how it reminded me of my being actually alone. I should've been sitting there with someone I'd really want to be with for that time being. I should've been talking to that someone nonstop about it on our way home. I could've been the happiest person that night if things did happen as I wanted them to. Too bad it doesn't work that way most of the time in Life.
Woke up early today, & went on with daily morning stuff. Breakfast & lunch blues were fine to begin with. Had ice cream while I was at `em. I wish I could go out, though, but sluggishness has gotten the best of me now. Dunno if I could leave or what tomorrow, especially when we all have to move out to a hotel for a day or so by the weekend.
I think I have to collect mp3's all over again. Took me a month or so to recover from my loss. I need my various doses of mood-swing alleviators.
I'm back to playing ARCHMAGE. But I'm concentrating solely on Blitz Solo nowadays. Been a while since I've played Battle Realms. My brother's hogging the PC while getting himself revved up online with the latter.
shadowkat & I went out last Monday afternoon for an on-the-spot chick flick trip at the local mall... On The Line wasn't so bad - I've seen reaaaaaally better stuff - but it actually made me think of things. I even caught myself crying over certain blurry takes. But I wasn't really crying over the movie... damn life, I must be really thinking TOO much. Even though I wasn't able to do exactly what I wanted to do, like get my hair & nails done, I quite had fun. I always get a kick out of bonding moments anyway... however, I have been thinking too much. There were instances wherein I was saying & doing major social boo-boos to & fro like crazy. And when I got home that night, I had to call in sick again for the next 2 days. Just when I thought I was on the road to recovery.
I dunno if my bio-clock's getting real screwed or am I gearing back to normal, diurnal mode. Being sick for 2 weeks ain't no fun at all.
Oh, yikes, Kai has decided to finally put up Drained back again. WHOOHOO!!!!!! I'm saved!!
I might as well leave this place by the time Mom gets back home. Or maybe before she actually does...
