Oo nga pala, hindi nga pala tayo Hanggang dito lang ako, nangangarap na mapasayo Hindi sinasadya Na hanapin pa ang lugar ko Asan nga ba ako? Andiyan pa ba sa iyo?
Nahihilo, nalilito Asan ba ‘ko sa ‘yo? Aasa ba ‘ko sa ‘yo?
Nasusuka ako, kinakain na ang loob Masakit na mga tuhod, kailangan bang lumuhod? Gusto ko lang naman, yung totoo Yung tipong ang sagot Ay di rin isang tanong
Nahihilo, nalilito Asan ba ‘ko sa ‘yo? Asan ba ‘ko sa ‘yo? Nahihilo, nalilito Asan ba ‘ko sa ‘yo? Aasa ba ‘ko sa ‘yo?
Dahil ‘di na makatulog Hindi na makakain Dahil hindi na makatawa Dahil, hindi na
Oo nga pala, hindi nga pala tayo Hanggang dito nalang ako
Even if you aren't always emotionally expressive, you are sincerely interested in the well-being of everyone in your life. Today, however, your feelings can be transformed into little actions, which clearly demonstrate what's in your heart. Let the love shine through in all that you do for others.
7 years ago, when I put up this blog. I was hurting from love. Fast forward to 2008, I'm still at a loss for words. Somewhat I'm in love when all I thought I was just in for something trivial but I still wish more that I were dead. & it doesn't help that I'm being advised by the stars to feel this:
Put aside your habit of adjusting to what other people want, be clear about what you desire, for a change, and then go for it.
Maybe I should. ♥ But it's not going to be easy. Maybe I should wait until my shift at work's over. I really need to air out what I'm really feeling. But I really want my personal goals this year to come true, at least with kendo & a stabler job standing & a makeover & a steady tarot gig & more feng shui happiness.
I finally got the massage that I needed so badly, & I have to thank Lorna for waiting patiently for me for our sessions, haha. Ooh, Balinese heaven. I was also able to get new flowers for my dad & kid sister's stead. My assigned memorial park caretaker, the ever dependable Mang Larry, also got new flowers there & lighted the candles I left since Friday. Then he was nice enough to give me a puppy, whom I'll be fondly calling Snow from now on LOL. She would've been a German shepherd, but we couldn't get any puppies at the moment, & for some reason I dread being half-eaten by an Alsatian BWAHAHA — I am so heading towards spinsterhood fast. My mom's friend who gave us Buster (R.I.P.) a few months ago will be giving us another puppy, but it's taking too long as well. So, there. I love Snow, she's a gentle grrl. She didn't even have any qualms when I took her away to her new home. I hate claiming puppies, seriously — they would yelp & jerk & try to bite & shit — but she was such an angel, & she even tried to play with me for a bit when she met me. It was fate. Love at first sight. She's rather tiny but quite heavy, haha, yay, talk about well-fed. She's clean, too, & I realized that female dogs always fared better in this household because they'd live longer than our Blacky, Scarfy, Shooter, & Buster for some reason. Sigh. My future husky Sanzo will NOT share the same fate, I swear. Did I tell anyone how Buster chased & then eventually ate his tail off, then he'd gobble up Sunspot's ocean fish Whiskas like mad even if we've already fed him & crap? What the hell. What a fucking idiot that puppy was. :( Let's just say he was the dumbest of the brood.
Anyway, Blacky was our dad's favorite, & he lived the longest. He was Brownie's much younger brother, but he went mad & crap & broke free from his leash & got shot by the military police along the runway. :( He was born on November 3, 1988 then he died on May 29, 1993. He was a cute, lazy furball when he was a puppy, but he was a grand, powerful watchdog when he grew older. Scarfy was Blacky's scarlet nephew, & he was my kid sister's pet, but he got rabid first & bit Candy & died a few days later. He was too young to get shots, unlike his brother Blacky. By the way, Blacky was the last of the handsome dogs that we had ever since I was born. His mother Sexy (LOL I know WTF right) was a lovely bitch, yes, & she was close to her daughter Brownie. She grew very old, & she died of cancer. Brownie died of old age as well. They were sleek & light-colored. Now Shooter was Poochie's son. Poochie was a frail mongrel that was given to us by our neighbor who baked awesome chocolate cashew cakes & empanada before we left Sangley Point, but she was very tame & bright, & she would sit with me while I'd look up at the night sky in front of our yard. Our house today still faces North & it makes me nostalgic thinking of those times. She'd put her paw on my lap if she wanted something, or even if she would seem to make it known that she was listening to my thoughts. She was ferocious, however, to intruders — but she was generally nice to everyone who visited our home, especially to those she'd be familiar with. She wasn't as pretty as Brownie, but she was more special to me. She was my friend. When we moved here 10 years ago, she did her job well. She died on Independence Day nearly 7 years ago. :( She bore Shooter before we moved here, though, who wasn't as attractive as his predecessors, either, but he was just as tough. He got his name from his limp leg that was shot for some weird reason. He died of food poisoning (not our fault). Then Buster was the new dog that appeared after our place became a kitty sanctuary for a few years. Too bad he didn't live that long, but he was well taken care of, especially by my dad's paternal cousin, who would call him Borgy, before she was driven out by my mom. Too bad I don't have pictures.
I'm hoping Snow would grow up to be an ice queen LOL but with a pure, gentle heart & that she'd live long, of course. I was thinking she would be in black & white like my cute puppies Mia & Mimi, who sadly didn't survive long enough due to accidents, but that's alright if she's a bit on the brown side. Fuck you, she ain't mangy!
Haha, that's my brother with her in the washroom. He rather likes manhandling pets, ARGH. I can't wait to get her new toys & stuff. Funny how I haven't had lunch yet since I woke up today, as I had to make sure she was well-fed first! :D My sister gave her a dewormer earlier, & I think she's tired. She was watching TV snuggling my right thigh on the couch, then fell asleep. HAHA. ♥ I really should check on her again after this. God, I'm so dying an old maid, LOL.
Back to our Best Mall + Town in The World misadventures, I got a kick out of hoarding ang pao / hong bao / lai see the other night & I checked out different shades of paint for my room. I might get it repainted in a light pink. But I hate shopping for household crap alone. Oh, I just have to say the local Good Housekeeping recipes magazine vol. 5 is yet the best of the series. Then it's fun eating halo-halo in the middle of the night. Haha, & I'd always be caught dead eating sundaes under the rain, & having ice cream for breakfast.
Haha, stupid networking sites like Friendster can be a lot of fun sometimes. Here's what I got from the bulletin board earlier today. It's about 45 Things A Girl Actually Wants But Wouldn't Really Ask For. OMG I'm so bored out of my wits.
1. Touch her waist. 2. Actually talk to her. 3. Share secrets with her. 4. Give her your jacket. 5. Kiss her slowly.
ARE YOU REMEMBERING THIS?
6. Hug her. 7. Hold her. 8. Laugh with her. 9. Invite her somewhere. 10. Hang out with her and your friends together.
(Excuse me, but what about MY/HER friends?!)
KEEP READING...
11. Smile with her. 12. Take pictures with her. 13. Pull her onto your lap. 14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back. 15. When her friends say I love her more than you do, deny it. Fight back and hug her tight so she can't get to her friends, it makes her feel loved.
ARE YOU THINKING OF HER NOW?
16. Always hug her and say I love you whenever you see her. 17. Kiss her unexpectedly. 18. Hug her from behind around the waist. 19. Tell her she's beautiful. 20. Tell her the way you feel about her.
ONE LAST THING YOU NEED TO DO IS TO SHOW HER YOU ACTUALLY DO MEAN IT.
21. Open doors for her, walk her to the car — it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman. 22. Tell her she's your everything — only if you mean it. 23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her — if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT — so just HUG her. 24. Make her feel loved. 25. Kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know!
WE MIGHT DENY IT BUT WE ACTUALLY LIKE AND KINDA WANT YOU TO TICKLE US.
26. Don't lie to HER. 27. DON'T cheat on her. 28. Take her ANYWHERE she wants. 29. Text message or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at work {or school}, and how much you MISS her. 30. Be there for her whenever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you, just be there so she'll know that she can ALWAYS count on you.
ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? YOU BETTER, BECAUSE IT'S IMPORTANT!
31. Hold her close when she's cold so she can hold YOU too. 32. When you are ALONE, hold her close and kiss her. 33. Kiss her on the CHEEKS (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her). 34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her LIGHTLY. 35. Dont EVER tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If she's upset, comfort her.
REMEMBER ALL THESE THINGS WHEN YOU ARE WITH HER NEXT TIME.
36. When people DISS her, stand up for her. 37. Look deep into her EYES and tell her you love her. 38. Lay down under the STARS and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart. Link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you. 39. When walking next to each other, grab her hand. 40. When you hug her, HOLD her in your arms as long as possible.
MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHE'S LOVED.
41. Call or text her at night to wish her SWEET DREAMS. 42. COMFORT her when she cries and wipe away her tears. 43. Take her for LONG walks at night. 44. ALWAYS remind her how much you love her. 45. Sit on top of her and tell her how much you love her and then bend down to her face and kiss her while sitting on her.
(Uh, that last one was just gross. If a guy sits on my lap even to tell me he loves me & all that crap, he's going to get his face broken. In stitches even.)
Surprisingly, I am such a girly idiot to actually agree to most of the things on this godforsaken list. Unfortunately, I'd always fall for the losers who'd rather die than be sappy to me, & those who'd want to take a shot at loving moi are such a waste of time. & what do I really want in a guy? Honestly, I have no idea anymore.
You know you've got it bad when you wake up in the middle of the night (7pm on your day off is pretty much late now, you see) to the sound of a full brass band playing just next door because a neighbor's son died from dengue, & the drat wake lasted an entire week, bleargh. No, I have no pity whatsoever because I've always detested them nosy, FUGLY, good-for-nothing next-door idiots — especially when they have blaring ghetto tunes aired in the middle of the day while my mom & I are trying so desperately to catch up on sleep. They're always this loud, inconsiderate bunch who'd shamelessly parade their stupid family issues around the village with their screaming & yakking & arguing as if they weren't a family at all to begin with. When they had to deal with foreclosure a few years ago, we were all relieved to see them go. Unfortunately, they got their house back, & they resumed their pathetic lives, much to our chagrin. It was disheartening enough to see them rather showing off the boy's death with this huge banner with his picture & full name on it & hypocritical loving farewell message from everyone supposedly. My dad went, of course, to pay his respects, but my brother & I would have none of it. I know I'm not supposed to harbor any negativity, but I can't take it anymore. I'd give anything LOL to see all of them perish forever.
But with that full brass band last night in mind that I didn't even try to look out of the window for to see the whole ruckus, I've been thinking of what I'd like to hear when I die, too, when a full brass band plays on my burial. I hope I'd get to have a military band play for me, the same way one performed for my youngest sister 3 Christmases ago. I have to admit Filipino classics make excellent funeral hymns LOL & these are what I'd want to hear on my last hour:
Maalala Mo Kaya (Dulce) Nais Ko (Basil Valdez) Kung Kailangan Mo Ako (Rey Valera) Nakapagtataka (Hajji Alejandro)
LOL LOL LOL.
I want to hear my staple songs played, too:
Big Empty (Stone Temple Pilots) Lovesong (311 version for a slower tempo) Summer Breeze (Type O Negative version) The Red (Chevelle) The Day I Tried To Live (Soundgarden) How Soon Is Now? (Love Spit Love) Lost In You (Ash) Last Goodbye (Jeff Buckley) — syempre, hindi mawawala ito! I Stay Away (Alice in Chains) I Think God Can Explain (Splender) Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now (The Smiths) Don't Dream It's Over (Crowded House) Woman In Chains (Tears for Fears) Sowing The Seeds of Love (Tears for Fears) Come Down (Bush) Angel Song (Eve no Kane) Will You Ever Learn? (Typecast WAHAHAHA) Beautiful Day (3 Colours Red)
I really should write my last will & testament as early as now. I doubt these will ever get played, but they better have Big Empty & Beautiful Day & them Tagalog shit there. I've never really planned my funeral, but I like how the church looked like in the superb Romeo+Juliet movie rendition by Baz Luhrmann, with candles all over the altar & roses on the open coffin, sigh. I really should sign up for a memorial plan then, haha.
If only dying were that easy. I'm still bent on accomplishing a few more things before I expire, anyway. Like learning kendo. Touring Chinese/Japanese temples, especially Angkor Wat. Finally doing yoga poses with little difficulty, & performing tai chi gracefully. Attending the Annual Tarot Readers' Studio in New York. Basking in Fiji. Setting up my quaint hobbies shop & decorating my avant-garde pad. Becoming a full-fledged geomancer. Finding true love. Savoring good times. I have a feeling, though, that I'd die long before realizing any of those.
