I've deleted my 04/30 post by accident, & even if I know it's seething with mush, I'm still putting some of it back! :-P
I still can't sleep, even though the sun is blazing gloriously up in the sky now. I've been thinking of a lot of things... of what has transpired during the past... the past... oh, fuck the past. The past that somehow promised of something more than "the future that never was". Wonder why I feel so low... must be the memories of yesterday sucking the life out of me. Well, if so, let me die now, so I can die in peace. I could probably end up feeling more fulfilled that way instead of going on with this wretched existence I so allege to be "my life."
Playing all the songs reminding me of "what was" seems to help a bit... but of course I can never go on living like this forever! I wonder what's to become of me. I need help, quick.
